Muddled Mind

Truth be told I’m not alright
Privacy shows the pain I hide
Take off my makeup the scars collide
Breaking in two is just a matter of time

Days fly swiftly nights stand still
Sleep only comes with a handful of pills
Growing anticipation of hurdles in my path
Dragons free falling, bout to hit me with their wrath

Nothing but my empty hands
I bear no weapons here
Is it truth or is it lies
My sanity is unclear

To much time to wonder
When this raging storm will pass
Desperate girl puts on a smile
That only the mirror sees past

Rain

I love the rain
But only on my bad days
It gives me reason to stay inside
Reason to hide away
It’s cold on my skin
Like ice from the the sky
Stinging the nerves that once were dead
Now feel very alive
I love the rain
It washes the dirt off my hands
Reaches places I ignore
Crevices I’d like to forget
My hair is drenched
As I peel off my clothing
Puddles on the floor
Creating dirty laundry

I love the rain
It takes me away
I love the rain
But only on my bad days

For You

I wish I could remember
What my mind made me forget
I’m sure it’s here just lurking
In a room filled with regret
If you saw me pretending
To not notice you standing there
The gestures would seem silly
Like me playing with my hair
I really want to see you
But not in this busy place
Maybe go back a year or two
And relive you touching my face
Fast forwArd to the moment
When we said our last goodbye
I never renounced my love for you
There’s tears I never cried
But some things cut so deeply
Like the blade upon my skin
Like the burn of a shot of whiskey
Like your name out of my lips
The days have seemed to brighten
And I’ve learned to sleep alone
Cleaned out most of my closets
Got rid of those skeleton bones
Tell strangers all the things
That I cannot tell my friends
They know just how I’m feeling
No need here for all that pretense
I’ll lick my lips spit out some more
Don’t let my words fall to the floor
Part of me they’ll never know
You get the harvest of the pain that I’ve sown

Stuck in a fog

I want to go
Anywhere but here
Get away from this fog
I need the air to be clear
I need to find forgiveness
I need some room to breathe
I need resuscitation
Lift me off of my knees
My bones they are so brittle
My skin is shallow grey
My eyes don’t shine like they use to
My voice does nothing but break
A place where the sun shines daily
Where laughter always flows freely
Future is promising
People are inspiring
Thats what I need.

I say whats on my mind
I talk to much
Takes skill to win at life
No need for luck
I cry because I’m mad I’m not in pain
Always outside-hide it in the rain

I’ll help you survive
I’ll take your hand
Never let go and I understand
How you feel we are on the same page
I’ll take the night watch you can have the day
Abandoned is what you’ll never be
Alone is not a word you’ll learn to read
Scars will disappear you have my word
Never will you again feel insecure

That would be nice
Don’t you think
If this fog wasn’t so dense
And a place existed that made such sence

Broken Locks

The locks have been broken
The storm is unleashed
Memories I had hidden
On my soul want to feast

Took off all my armor
Put my knife back in its sheaf
Felt the sun for a brief moment
Grew flowers were there was nothing but weeds

I guess I forgot to warn you
“Not everything is as it seems”
You never saw past the smiles
To the pain that lies underneath

And when that dam was shattered
When the floods came ravishing down
Left me alone to face the tempest
Water not air to inhale and drown

You didn’t agree to battle
Didn’t know I was already in war
How can you say that you know me
When you never even noticed the scars

Blaming you is not my intention
I’m shocked at the time that you stayed
I thought I had dealt with my demons
All this time they’ve been stalking their prey

My voice I want heard from the rooftops
No silencer put on this gun
I will say if only on paper
This will not be a rerun

I will not live in that darkness
Nor return to that place of shame
No regrets will come haunting my nightmares
I will look ahead to each brand new day

For yesterday’s only a memory
A reminder of what use to be
Some break from trying to stay there
While some of us try to break free

Saturday

I may not be beautiful
Or wear a size four
Don’t turn heads when I’m walking
No one opens any doors
I may not hold my head up proudly
And your eyes I’ll never meet
Cause there’s something deep inside me
POISEN spreading like disease
I won’t make much conversation
And your jokes won’t make me laugh
If a line was ever forming
I’d go straight towards the back
I’m lock inside a cage of fear
I crouch down in the dark
Cover my ears but I still hear him
His last words tear at my heart
I pushed away the one thing
That I needed most of all
Felt so safe within his presence
Knew he’d catch me if ever I’d fall
Scared he’d leave so I kept my distance
But in his arms so late at night
All the demons finally vanished
Clouds moved on
Sun shone so bright
Never will I forget to remember
Or erase the scars that show
I refuse to question the reasons
That assembled the walls that I know
But if ever a moments comes near me
When I get the chance to say
All the words that were unspoken
Were the ones that would have made you stay
I would shout them from the rooftops
Scream them out with passions unfurled
Break the silence of scared inhibitions
You’d understand the depth of my love
But I’m just a passive loner
Walking down this beaten path
Never stopping to smell the flowers
Always thinking of turning back

Bloodstain on your hands-song attempt

Vrs.1
My heart had been broken
Torn into two
Never again to feel love flowing through
Thought I could handle
Weighed all the costs
Opened myself risking all that I got

Chorus:
Are you happy now
When you see my tears
Knowing all of me I gave you
Was all I had left to give
When you walked away
Without looking back
Did you notice all the blood stains
From the knife you drove in my back

Vrs.2
You told me you loved me
You told me you cared
That no matter what you would always be here
Glued back the pieces
Healed all the scars
Only to shatter what was left of my heart

Chorus:
Are you happy now
When you see my tears
Knowing all of me I gave you
Was all I had left to give
When you walked away
Without looking back
Did you notice all the blood stains
From the knife you drove in my back

Vrs.3
I thought you were perfect
Believed all your lies
Never imagined was just a matter of time
Till you slipped through my hands
Like sand on a beach
I really hope she’s every thing that you need

Break:
I find it hard to breathe without you
I’m on the edge and ready to jump
I only want one time to touch you
But that’s asking far to much

Chorus:
Are you happy now
When you see my tears
Knowing all of me I gave you
Was all I had left to give
When you walked away
Without looking back
Did you notice all the blood stains
From the knife you drove in my back

Your covered in my bloodstains
And you pushed me off the ledge

Mistakes

Your more than a memory
I hear you every day
See your face in all the photos
Words you wrote me haunt my brain
Stay awake so I don’t see you
Cause you visit every dream
Tore down every photo
Lit up all those letters
Turned to ashes every page
Matched your clothes
Watched them burn away
Doesn’t matter if I’m happy
If I’m sad it’s still the same
Feel the tide overwhelming
Pushing every breath out of my lips
It’s getting dark I’m going under
Don’t know which way is up
Panic has riddled my body
Caused my mind to become corrupt
Pulled the blinds down over the windows
Threw my phone against the wall
Desperately seeking a solution
Ignoring all of the calls
Remember how we promised
That we’d love until the end
Broken and shattered is how you left me
I thought you were so much better than him
You made me open my heart up
Something I swore was closed for good
You played me like a puppet
Then burned me like a pile of wood

Stupid me

Your more than a memory
I hear you every day
See your face in all the photos
Words you wrote me haunt my brain
Stay awake so I don’t see you
Cause you visit every dream
Tore down every photo
Lit up all those letters
Turned to ashes every page
Matched your clothes
Watched them burn away
Doesn’t matter if I’m happy
If I’m sad it’s still the same
Feel the tide overwhelming
Pushing every breath out of my lips
It’s getting dark I’m going under
Don’t know which way is up
Panic has riddled my body
Caused my mind to become corrupt
Pulled the blinds down over the windows
Threw my phone against the wall
Desperately seeking a solution
Ignoring all of the calls
Remember how we promised
That we’d love until the end
Broken and shattered is how you left me
I thought you were so much better than him
You made me open my heart up
Something I swore was closed for good
You played me like a puppet
Then burned me like a pile of wood

A hot Friday

Summers here once again,
There’s still no place to rest my head
Still smile that smile they don’t suspect
That my whole entity is a complete fucking mess
I cry behind the doors I lock
I scream at God-I’m the one He forgot
My echoes break the silent void
These blades have turned into some kind of sick toys
Giving up,,sounds easy to do
But it wouldn’t bring me any closer to you
For you’d be in heaven and I’d be in hell
For the sins I’m committing,loosing my mind as you can tell
Running out of options
And the ice is wearing thin
No ones throwing me a lifeline
Nor understands where all I’ve been
I close my eyes it’s all so peaceful
As drops fall on the ground
Only a brief moment of freedom
From the chains which have me bound
Pretend your hearing every word
Make me feel like I’m not alone
And even though my thoughts are slurred
Will you follow me into the unknown
What you see I do not share
I hide it every day
Keep my head down,work sunup to sundown
As my days are slipping away
~~L.R.~~