Insomnia

My problem is that I think far too much. I over think, I worry, I stress, I remember stuff I should definitely put behind me. My mind has no turn off button at all. Sometimes this is good because I’m always looking for the next step forward, the next thing I have to do. Sometimes it’s super bad because I focus so much on things that went wrong, things I want to change, worrying about how things will pan out. I haven’t slept properly in at least 7 days because I just can’t shut off. I don’t know what’s up but my mind is obviously focused on something. I am mentally and physically exhausted 24/7. I wish I could say it should get better over the holidays but I have so much work to do that I know I’m gonna be just as stressed, only at home rather than here. I just really need to sleep and stay asleep for like a whole night. If I could manage that, just one night I think I’d be ok. Just a whole 8 hours without waking up every hour and then getting up in the morning and not feeling like I’ve even been to sleep. That would be really awesome.
Please turn off brain, just for one night?Life does not always turn out the way you want it too.I amount to nothing. I am not successful. Nor beautiful, inside or out. I do not have a purpose.That awkward moment when you realize how little you mean to anyone.We fall into this daily routine, this boring, repetitive routine. Events change our entire lives but the rest of the world keeps moving, no change. A part of me wants to enjoy the time I have and live it to the fullest, yet another part doesn’t understand why I should bother, why bother for anything because I don’t understand why it matters at all.

9 Responses to “Insomnia”

  1. It DOES matter. You matter! Make yourself know that: find a way to make the world a better place. Your blog is a great starting point. You write well (know that about yourself).

  2. I bother because the world is filled with interesting things to explore. (There’s far more than anyone can do in a lifetime, so you actually have to pick and choose!) If it sometimes sucks doing it alone, well, sometimes life just does suck (but sometimes it doesn’t). The freedom is the compensation, for whatever that’s worth.

    One can either explore the world seeking ones interests, or (if you don’t really know what your interests are) one can explore the world seeking interesting things. (And these days, being online makes exploring the world pretty easy!)

    One trick I use to keep interested (speaking as someone who has been single for most of a 50+ year life) is exploring things that are new and unfamiliar to me. Keeps it fresh. One can always move on if the topic is too dull. But I find living in the growing stench of familiar things makes me restless and bored.

    • I agree with what you say. I think because I had a “family” life it has thrown me into the unknown and it is scary. And difficult. Thanks

      • Yes, it is scary and difficult sometimes; there’s no getting around that! To whatever extent it helps, we all feel that fear of the unknown to one degree or another. Some obviously confront it in greater measure than others, but just about everyone shares the experience of trying to handle enormous challenges.

        If you haven’t already, you’ll find the interweb can be filled with those who identify and can relate. You’ll find you’re very much not alone here!

        Hang in there. There are never guarantees life will get better, but we do get better at living it. You can survive this!

        Speaking from the perspective of many lost loves. it is still better to have loved and lost than to not loved. The pain feels like it will kill you… but it won’t. That you hurt means you’re still human and your heart still works.

        And if the heart still works, it will heal. In time, it will heal, I promise. You just have to give it a chance.

        And don’t pick at the scab… that’ll leave a scar! 🙂

  3. It does help beyond words to be able hear from people who understand and traveled down similar roads . Thanks

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