I was gone long before you noticed

I was gone long before you noticed I left. what do I want? The answer to that question does not exist. If you knew what went on in my head, the cuts would be nothing. No one sees how broken I really am. I’m not sure how to stop being unhappy. Even in my laughter there is something missing. There was a time when I wasn’t like this. I really want to get as far away from this place as possible. To feel nothing. What a beautiful feeling that is. I pretend to forget and my scars remind me that the past is real. I sit here with a bottle of pills trying to decide if I should end it all. Yes, I know that’s dangerous. No, I don’t care. What do I have to lose? My mind, my family, my life? I’ve already lost these, haven’t I? Go ahead tell me I’m wrong. Depression has destroyed me,it made me suffer,it made me hate the people I’m suppose to love,I have slowly lost everything and now it’s coming in for the kill. “don’t do anything stupid, okay?” “I won’t, I promise” and it wasn’t a lie, what I was going to do makes a lot of sense.I’m an over thinker and I hate it.I make a big deal out of the most simplest things.I create problems within my own head.I get all worked up over nothing. I wish I could just stop over thinking things.it’s only making things worse than it already is.I need to learn to stop. Too bad I can’t help it.I can never forget what you said.sometimes I stay up all night and sleep all day just to ovoid people.I hate having that one person I need to hold me but they’re too far away so I just sit on my own sobbing.if you had the chance to kill yourself, no pain or blood involved, and your family wouldn’t get hurt because of what you did, would you take it?it’s not the kind of sadness where you cry all the time, but more like the kind of sadness that overwhelms your entire body,leaving your heart aching and your stomach empty making you feel weak and tired.and yet you can’t even sleep cause the sadness is in your dreams to.it’s almost a sadness you can’t escape.it’s a kind of tired that sleep can’t fix.