Red light

They ask me if I miss you more around the holidays.i tell them there’s never a moment I stop missing you. I promised you til my last breath was taken and looking back I never knew it would be cut short. You left my life early. At 33, you had so much to look forward to. A life tragically ended. I have accepted the fact that 14 years is all I have of you but there are times when I feel like I died with you. I do not know what to do now. I’m scared of the unknown. To love and lose. It has crippled my heart and my life along with it. I’m stuck at a red light and it won’t change. Always watching people move on with their lives and laugh and I am angry at myself for not knowing how to be. How to find myself after being a part of you for so many years. I have tried but end up hurting people because I get scared when emotions run deep. Afraid of giving my heart again. It’s a lonely world when you put yourself in a bubble. I have expectations of myself I cannot meet. Train of thoughts that bind me. And an emptiness that completely drains my soul.