4:48 A.M.

I’m having a bad day. I promised myself this year would be different. I just want to cry. But I won’t. Ill hold it in and leave the crowds and be by myself. For in that solitude I can control my thoughts. Contain my disappointments. Suppress my hopes and dreams. Refusing to look into your eyes for it is safer that way. You will never see my soul. My innermost being. The real me. You will only be exposed to who I choose to let you see. A minute part of a charade which I call my life. You will applaud when it is over, for who but an actress could stand to go through all those years if it was real? Surely she would have left years ago. All the secrets she kept are now her confessions. We pretend and play these games, my eyes staring into space wasting so much time, when I could just leave this place. I never really, truly knew until this moment. This pondering in my mind. how devastating it is to lose someone I never even had. Why is that? There is a reason why every tear falls, don’t ever wipe that reason away.