Listen to me

Hear what I am saying,
this might be my last chance.
To tell you what I’m thinking.
To rid the guilt from my past.
It’s time to empty the coffins.
Raise up things long buried ago.
Before its to late to tell you.
I need to let you know.
The hands are moving,
on the face of my enemy.
Time cannot cure;
It’ll be the death of me.
You always wanted my feelings.
Let you have them in your hands to hold,
but I could never release them.
Bound them in my body and soul.
I will try to put off my instincts,
separate from the comfortable and known.
Return as a watchful outsider,
who can narrate what really needs told.
Let go of your hand when you were falling,
Pushed away your attempts to get near.
Closed my eyes to the pain you were feeling.
Lit the fire under all of your fears.
Always thought that there’d be a tomorrow,
Held grudges I should have let go.
Opened hells’ door told you where you could go.
Then you left and I didn’t believe it
Waited to wake from a horrible dream
Kept your things cause I thought you would need them
Goodbyes left unsaid, couldn’t be as it seems.
When I stood in front of your family
In front of your friends and all those you knew
Frozen in time, I felt like a statue
Going through motions to pay you your due.
Didn’t know who I was here without you
Didn’t know how to get on with my life
Raising our kids without you to turn to
Each decision I made, none of them right
Frightened to hold it together
Cutting released some of the pain
Substances took away emotions
Walls helped me not to betray
The years have a way of decaying
Memories I thought never I’d lose
Withered the flowers once fragrant
Until I became just as dead as you