I cannot find words right now

I cannot sleep again. It would seem like I’ve spent all of my energy so I wouldn’t think that it would be a problem. This Wednesday marks the four year mark from where I began this downward spiral. The day I lost it all. It seems like just yesterday he was here. Time has remained still. If that wasn’t enough to throw me off this month, my grandma had a major stroke last Sunday and I am waiting to hear of her passing. She cannot eat or drink and has a living will preventing tube feedings. Is there anyone in my life I will not have to say goodbye to? I really can’t keep doing this. I am already running on fumes and to face another loss now? Who do I lean on for support? I have never felt so alone. At times I am glad to not have make conversations on useless topics that do not indulge my brain to use itself. But at times like these, I need someone to talk to. I can’t even begin to write, which is my escape from solitude. The words are stuck in my heart and I am confused and full of anxiety. I thought it couldn’t get worse, you know, than losing your husband. But when I really need him to comfort me, is when the reality of being left alone hits hard. I did not mean to write a bunch of “pity me” crap. I’ll close with one final thought:
In the words of William Shakespeare,
“Hell is empty and all the Devils are here.”


One Response to “I cannot find words right now”

  1. *hug*
    You’re loved.

    You do need comfort and you do need someone to talk to. And you can have that.

    “through Christ we share abundantly in comfort” – 1 Corinthians 1:5

    “For as the sufferings of Christ abound for us, so also our comfort abounds through Christ” -1 Corinthians 2:5

    He mourned too. He had to walk through unimaginable pain. He knows what it is to need comfort and He wants to comfort you. He’s always with you – cry out to Him. Tell Him everything. Ask Him to show you how near He is and believe what He says because He tells you the truth.

    I’m here for you too. Really. Here’s my email: ashlie.ariel@gmail.com

    If you want to, write me. I’ll be someone to talk to. I’ll listen.

    You’re not alone.

    Love u, sis.

    Praying for you,


    ps. This is a song that I’ve found both expression of hurt and comfort in: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OR7VOKQ0xJY

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