Muddled Mind

Truth be told I’m not alright
Privacy shows the pain I hide
Take off my makeup the scars collide
Breaking in two is just a matter of time

Days fly swiftly nights stand still
Sleep only comes with a handful of pills
Growing anticipation of hurdles in my path
Dragons free falling, bout to hit me with their wrath

Nothing but my empty hands
I bear no weapons here
Is it truth or is it lies
My sanity is unclear

To much time to wonder
When this raging storm will pass
Desperate girl puts on a smile
That only the mirror sees past

Rain

I love the rain
But only on my bad days
It gives me reason to stay inside
Reason to hide away
It’s cold on my skin
Like ice from the the sky
Stinging the nerves that once were dead
Now feel very alive
I love the rain
It washes the dirt off my hands
Reaches places I ignore
Crevices I’d like to forget
My hair is drenched
As I peel off my clothing
Puddles on the floor
Creating dirty laundry

I love the rain
It takes me away
I love the rain
But only on my bad days

For You

I wish I could remember
What my mind made me forget
I’m sure it’s here just lurking
In a room filled with regret
If you saw me pretending
To not notice you standing there
The gestures would seem silly
Like me playing with my hair
I really want to see you
But not in this busy place
Maybe go back a year or two
And relive you touching my face
Fast forwArd to the moment
When we said our last goodbye
I never renounced my love for you
There’s tears I never cried
But some things cut so deeply
Like the blade upon my skin
Like the burn of a shot of whiskey
Like your name out of my lips
The days have seemed to brighten
And I’ve learned to sleep alone
Cleaned out most of my closets
Got rid of those skeleton bones
Tell strangers all the things
That I cannot tell my friends
They know just how I’m feeling
No need here for all that pretense
I’ll lick my lips spit out some more
Don’t let my words fall to the floor
Part of me they’ll never know
You get the harvest of the pain that I’ve sown

Stuck in a fog

I want to go
Anywhere but here
Get away from this fog
I need the air to be clear
I need to find forgiveness
I need some room to breathe
I need resuscitation
Lift me off of my knees
My bones they are so brittle
My skin is shallow grey
My eyes don’t shine like they use to
My voice does nothing but break
A place where the sun shines daily
Where laughter always flows freely
Future is promising
People are inspiring
Thats what I need.

I say whats on my mind
I talk to much
Takes skill to win at life
No need for luck
I cry because I’m mad I’m not in pain
Always outside-hide it in the rain

I’ll help you survive
I’ll take your hand
Never let go and I understand
How you feel we are on the same page
I’ll take the night watch you can have the day
Abandoned is what you’ll never be
Alone is not a word you’ll learn to read
Scars will disappear you have my word
Never will you again feel insecure

That would be nice
Don’t you think
If this fog wasn’t so dense
And a place existed that made such sence

Broken Locks

The locks have been broken
The storm is unleashed
Memories I had hidden
On my soul want to feast

Took off all my armor
Put my knife back in its sheaf
Felt the sun for a brief moment
Grew flowers were there was nothing but weeds

I guess I forgot to warn you
“Not everything is as it seems”
You never saw past the smiles
To the pain that lies underneath

And when that dam was shattered
When the floods came ravishing down
Left me alone to face the tempest
Water not air to inhale and drown

You didn’t agree to battle
Didn’t know I was already in war
How can you say that you know me
When you never even noticed the scars

Blaming you is not my intention
I’m shocked at the time that you stayed
I thought I had dealt with my demons
All this time they’ve been stalking their prey

My voice I want heard from the rooftops
No silencer put on this gun
I will say if only on paper
This will not be a rerun

I will not live in that darkness
Nor return to that place of shame
No regrets will come haunting my nightmares
I will look ahead to each brand new day

For yesterday’s only a memory
A reminder of what use to be
Some break from trying to stay there
While some of us try to break free