Bad Dreams Scary Terrors

Bad dreams,, screaming terror, when will itever be over? The darkness compasses me and grips my soul. I’ll never let go. I know the sun is shining but in my world I’m lost in a hole. Only shadows of a life long gone keep me alive. I cannot forget I cannot take one more step. All I can do is lay here and wait for death to come. Death does not scare me I beg for it but it does not hear me. Maybe if I was to bleed a little quicker maybe if I was to cut a little deeper. I would find my eternal rest. Peace is something that eludes me. It is not a word that has any meaning. Just a nice thought for those who can forget who can leave behind their soul and continue in a mindless state of utopia where there is no hurting. I hurt I suffer I am in a living hell every single breath I take it just keeps going, it won’t stop so I carry on in this nightmare wishing for a way to put out this life. Like a burning match everything has an ending. Except for me who has been cursed to live a life of emptiness where nothing matters anymore. Cursed to put on a smile and pretend to be someone I’m not. Forced to continue when I don’t want to. But someday I won’t be able to live this charade anymore and then I’ll be gone. That day is coming and that is what I am waiting for,,, forever waiting.living a charade that you would believe to be real. I’ve learned how to be an actor.what more can I do? What is left of me but a shell filled with nothing how can you get a drink when the glass is empty. I thirst for meaning I yearn for something anything other than this. I will remain here until my lifeless exsistance is done. Until my sentance is satisfied I don’t know what crime I have committed but I know I am living in a cell without any hope of release. I wipe my own eyes and I hold myself when I sleep. Sleep does not come easy and is filled with terrors that I cannot get away from I cannot outrun myself. If I could just go back, I would not be here now. People surround me but I’m alone forever broken forever burning in this unimaginable place you will never see. And if you ever happen to come here turn around and run as fast as you can because it’s like quicksand it pulls you in as u try to escape. Fighting is futile I just wait for it to compress me under where your hands can’t pull me back to safety. I stand on the edge with the wind blowing, pushing me to just fall, realease myself once and for all. I’m trying to hold on but I’m broken my hands don’t hold and my legs are weak I don’t know how much longer I will be able to hang on. The hourglass is emptying ive tried to break it but it is undestructable the sands fall slowely time has stopped there are no days no months no years only moments where memories haunt me mistakes I’ve made choices I always seem to pick the self destructive ones I’m on a downward spiral spinning so fast I cannot think straight my mind is useless, confused, tired and held captive with never-ending thoughts that are painful, physically painful. I will not fly again I will only teeter on the edge afraid to fall afraid to fall afraid to fail afraid to ruin someones life like I have my own. You will not love me I will not hurt you I will be a small shrinking thought that soon will be forgotten .like a flake of snow, I will melt away when you try to hold me some things are better left untouched. Some things are beautiful to look at but fade when approached. Like love like the thought of me and you like happy endings.