Archive for alone

Lunch break

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , on 11/08/2013 by Forever_Broken

There’s a teardrop falling
Your name it is calling
Only empty echoes of the past
Your leaving you can’t turn back
I should be there but I can’t

Refuse to see you like this
Your standing at the abyss
So much left unsaid
We’ll meet up again when I’m dead
Unanswered prayers fall upon my head

Curse the ones that let you go
Erased my name from their vocabulary so-
They no more require an excuse
Give no reason for a different view
Helped tie the rope into a noose

Push the door closed, bound up and locked
Their memories faded, my gun is loaded and cocked

I stare at the emptiness I can see in my eyes
The reflection seems normal but it’s clearly a disguise

I want to touch something beautiful
Feel some warmth beneath my skin
But blackness clouds everything around me
Forgiveness un granted for all of my sins

My thoughts are fast
My pen is slow
Speaking in circles
Unable to show

I cannot stop it’s surely a disease
It weighs me down I can barely even breathe
Torn apart at the seams
my pretense you believe

Unanswered calls

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , on 09/02/2013 by Forever_Broken

I do not call
Nor do I answer
Give no reason
For this behavior
Walked away
No chance I’ll look back
Moving forward
Put you in the past
Waste no tears
Though they may free you
From all the pain
I’m bound to put on you
Demons aren’t haunting
Allowed to entered
The burden was too great
Needed released from the fetters
I’m nothing but ashes
Just dust to dust
Lying lips will deceive
Empty heart will corrupt
Even though I am breathing
It is never enough
To relieve the empty feeling
Or replace what is lost
Dangerously close
Writing letters of goodbye
But the numbness overwhelms
There are no tears in my eyes
Questions you’ll never get to ask
No lingering hug no last request
Pray if you must
but God has turned his back
I can’t improvise
The strength that I lack
You have your life
And it’s good so you say
You could never comprehend
Could not live mine
Not a single day
I make it look easy
Put on a phony smile
If you knew me at all
You’d see behind the lies
And I’m tired
of all this pretense
I cannot carry on
this facade of semblance
Words on a page
They don’t even have a chance
Forgot who I am
Just a desperate amnesiac
How do I fix
What goes on in my mind
These words I am writing
Sound like my own demise
I don’t want to continue
But I’m lost and it’s dark
I call for help
But no one answers
I don’t know how to start

08/12/13

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , on 08/12/2013 by Forever_Broken

Return the light you stole from me
Remove the blindfold I cannot see
You left me here to walk alone
You destroyed the place I knew as home
Listened to my silence
knowing there was pain
Haunted every memory
seemed my loss was your gain
Has it been easy
to go off on your own
Was I replaceable
so easy to disown
You promised you’d never leave me
Actually believed I had nothing to fear
You pulled me from the treacherous currant
Just to watch me drown in my tears
You saved me from my own destruction
Emptied the bullets out of my gun
Then gave me over to a slower corruption
Sharpened the blades so they’d pour out my blood
I didn’t want to come here
Knew too well the price that I’d paid
The only thing standing when I lost all before
Was my body without a name
Couldn’t find in the mirror
Any sign I was here
Couldn’t find my way back to this world
Stuck somewhere between here and there
Ink still wet
Words held back
And though your voice is silenced
I can still hear your song
No longer in my arms
Last breath come and gone

Just one night

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , on 08/11/2013 by Forever_Broken

I want to see you tonight
Not in a dream or memory
I want to touch your body
Feel your skin one more time
And I don’t care if you use me
Throw me away in the morning
I can’t sleep
Your all i think about
There’s an emptiness inside
That only you can fill
I’m ashamed of what you turned me into
You left pieces out of place
No one understands the puzzle
Your perfection only,this pain can erase
Trespass upon my private soul
I let no one in I let no one know
Being alone is easy to do
When the only one I ever
Wanted was you
Stop my persuasions
Change for me not
What happened between us
Does not matter
I’ve accepted my lot
Intentionally unlocked
Please make this stop
Reason with this one track mind
Doing everything against the grind
Running towards the warning sign
I don’t care about anything right now
I just want you to tell me how
I can get to you
What’s left of you
Is there any part of you
That misses my body
Did you forget completely
Unwind my foolish desires
Shoot down my hopes like a disease
Tie up these unleashed raw emotions
Bury deep all of these needs

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Silence Broken

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , , , on 08/08/2013 by Forever_Broken

Silence broken/ I can hear your voice
It’s just a whisper,yeah, only a little noise
Drivin me crazy/ You wake me from my sleep
Try to forget you,yet, your still in my dreams
Lift up eyes/ Where am I headed now?
Unfamiliar steps moving me backwards somehow
You will not leave/ so I pour you a drink
Time’s not the only thing your killing/tonight your victim is me
Pull me into the memories that would have come to pass
Take me further down the road we traveled/I’m starting to forget
Quench this thirst-even with your poison-you can put this all to rest
Give me something to believe in for I have nothing left
Your name flows easily off these twisted lips
Your beauty never faded/you hold me captive with your kiss
Desperately clinging to hope that isn’t real
Hiding behind my visions reach/the words I utter you steal
Fighting the need to hold you in my arms once more
Cannot break free your hold is evermore
Tearing out the pages from the book you wrote for me
One by one into the fire, I will set my own self free
Tormented in the shadow of the questions never asked
Put my will back on the shelf/where it’s been laying since you left

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07/23/13

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , on 07/23/2013 by Forever_Broken

Little girl you grew so quickly
Seems like things have changed soo much
From the dreams you wished that could be
From the innocence of love

Little child don’t you shed tears
For in you there was such hope
Although the storms are raging bitter
Your not quite at the end of your rope

Beautiful stranger I thought I knew you
For we use to share one mind
But somehow I guess I lost you
Sands run out, there’s no more time

Unbreakable spirit that you once had
Untouchable plans that never came through
So close to having it perfected
Until fate decided to spew

Despise not my foolish ambitions
I tried to hear your voice deep inside
Against my will you faded completely
I couldn’t keep you even if I had tried

But each day I look in the mirror
Hidden deep down inside of me
I see your reflection distinctly
Wish I knew how to set you free

Yet we are both still here
The time has not yet come for our demise
Though darkness is ever near
This too will pass it’s only a guise

When I lost him that’s when I lost me
I try to hide it from a world that doesn’t understand
Everything I knew and loved was taken away
A memory of a life that used to be planned

I speak quietly now in a whisper
My chest closes and it’s soo hard to breathe
Why can’t this feeling be fleeting?
Without bringing me to my knees?

To remain socially invisible
Only seen by eyes like my own
Reality gone living in illusions
Afraid nothing’s left unknown

My mind tramples my words as they come out
Changes the course of my fate
I thought I was done, decided to bow out
And I had even set a date

Cursing the sun that shows imperfections
Provides ammunition to fuel the desire
Remaining unhinged despite the deceptions
Blowing the smoke from my burning cigar

If you hear me, I’m calling, I’m begging
Suck this poison out of my brain
Your the one thing I still believe in
Please make it all go away

Frightened, alone, and abandoned
Curtains closing, my eyes growing dim
Underneath pretense, your merely a shadow
A reminder of what could have been

Take this burden from me
Faltering words won’t come at all
Convince me that there is someone
Waiting down there to cushion the fall

For every fragment that was dug out from me
And every wound with its blood pouring down
Torched my dreams and the ashes are dissipating
My last ragged breath produces no sound

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3:50am

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , on 06/30/2013 by Forever_Broken

Write it down I want to read
What you really think about me
Take your time do not erase
Leave every word in its place
Start with how you heard my name
And end it with my being insane
And tell me how you read all about
My life like a book that fell off a shelf
What went through your mind when I wanted to die
Could you relate to those feelings I didn’t hide
Did I scare you a little did I scare you a lot
Did I sound like someone who was best just forgot
Did you laugh with my pleasure
Did you cry with my tears
Did you understand at all the reason I was here
Did you miss me in my silence
Did you wonder how I was
Did you get inside this head of mine
Feel the anguish and all that it does
I wish I could tell another story
One that ended with dreams coming true
But that would require a different lifetime
And we were never promised two
I want to hear what you show to no one
I want your secrets whispered in my ear
I want to enter into your being
Blend together what’s left of our years
So wont you tell me what your thinking
Don’t leave out not a single detail
I know I come across with weakness
I know you know Im just frail
Pick me apart pull out all my feathers
I won’t need them anymore anyway
The burdens to heavy to lift off this cold earth
And my strength has withered away

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6/30/13

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , on 06/30/2013 by Forever_Broken

You asked me why I’m leaving
Why I can’t stay another day
It’s not leaving that I’m doing
Rather I’m just running away
Am I running towards something I want
Or leaving something behind
Afraid to admit that I want you
Afraid to make you mine
I can’t stay not even a moment
For the ice is getting thin
Hearing the cracks
I stop and stumble
Am I going to sink or swim
Forgetting is easy your almost a memory
Your name I do not recognize
Closing my eyes the blindness is soothing
Reality brings your torment of lies
Go ahead try to tell me I’m bluffing
Say what you want I don’t care anymore
I’ve put you away where you cannot harm me
I traded my soul for this life that was ours
If I’m going to hell then you cannot come with me
I do not explain all this pain that I’m in
With nothing is how it was entered
And with nothing is how it will end

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6/27/13

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , on 06/27/2013 by Forever_Broken

I’m going on
I’m merely existing
Realized long ago
There won’t be happy endings
Closing my eyes
To shut out your face
But the darkness won’t hide
Things I wished could be erased
Watching all the people
With their smiles on their faces
Keep myself together
Never showing any traces
Forgetting isn’t easy
When your everywhere i turn
What more can I get rid of
There’s nothing left for me to burn
Alone and yes I choose it
I won’t make that mistake again
Won’t let my guard down for one moment
Won’t spare your feelings with pretends
Where I go It does not matter
For you left me long ago
I laid some flowers on the cold ground
And kissed your name engraved in stone

Forget Your Worries

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , on 05/21/2013 by Forever_Broken

Forget your worries, smile today.
Let the rain wash your tears away.
Your beautiful just the way you are.
Even if you fade like a falling star.
Don’t think about tomorrow.
Don’t think about the past.
Just here and now is where your living at.
Don’t pick that flower, step over that ant.
Think maybe you can instead of you can’t.
Your never ever truly alone.
Look down at your side, there’s a hand you can hold.
Your special, unique, and that’s what makes you, you.
In the stillness of this moment your unbreakable too.
If you’d only lift your eyes up,
if you’d only stop to see.
All the strength it took to get here,
you have everything you need.
Yours scars just say your human.
Admitting your weak doesn’t make you frail.
Maybe, you can be that shoulder to cry on.
When somebody else is going through hell.
To feel the deepest emotions;
Many will never get to do
but you know how to treasure a smile.
For it seems there’s always so few.
So today, forget your worries.
Let the rain wash your tears away.
For your beautiful just the way you are
and I hope you never will change.

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