Archive for anxiety

Rain

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , on 08/29/2017 by Forever_Broken

I love the rain
But only on my bad days
It gives me reason to stay inside
Reason to hide away
It’s cold on my skin
Like ice from the the sky
Stinging the nerves that once were dead
Now feel very alive
I love the rain
It washes the dirt off my hands
Reaches places I ignore
Crevices I’d like to forget
My hair is drenched
As I peel off my clothing
Puddles on the floor
Creating dirty laundry

I love the rain
It takes me away
I love the rain
But only on my bad days

Stuck in a fog

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , , , on 08/28/2017 by Forever_Broken

I want to go
Anywhere but here
Get away from this fog
I need the air to be clear
I need to find forgiveness
I need some room to breathe
I need resuscitation
Lift me off of my knees
My bones they are so brittle
My skin is shallow grey
My eyes don’t shine like they use to
My voice does nothing but break
A place where the sun shines daily
Where laughter always flows freely
Future is promising
People are inspiring
Thats what I need.

I say whats on my mind
I talk to much
Takes skill to win at life
No need for luck
I cry because I’m mad I’m not in pain
Always outside-hide it in the rain

I’ll help you survive
I’ll take your hand
Never let go and I understand
How you feel we are on the same page
I’ll take the night watch you can have the day
Abandoned is what you’ll never be
Alone is not a word you’ll learn to read
Scars will disappear you have my word
Never will you again feel insecure

That would be nice
Don’t you think
If this fog wasn’t so dense
And a place existed that made such sence

I cannot find words right now

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , on 07/15/2013 by Forever_Broken

I cannot sleep again. It would seem like I’ve spent all of my energy so I wouldn’t think that it would be a problem. This Wednesday marks the four year mark from where I began this downward spiral. The day I lost it all. It seems like just yesterday he was here. Time has remained still. If that wasn’t enough to throw me off this month, my grandma had a major stroke last Sunday and I am waiting to hear of her passing. She cannot eat or drink and has a living will preventing tube feedings. Is there anyone in my life I will not have to say goodbye to? I really can’t keep doing this. I am already running on fumes and to face another loss now? Who do I lean on for support? I have never felt so alone. At times I am glad to not have make conversations on useless topics that do not indulge my brain to use itself. But at times like these, I need someone to talk to. I can’t even begin to write, which is my escape from solitude. The words are stuck in my heart and I am confused and full of anxiety. I thought it couldn’t get worse, you know, than losing your husband. But when I really need him to comfort me, is when the reality of being left alone hits hard. I did not mean to write a bunch of “pity me” crap. I’ll close with one final thought:
In the words of William Shakespeare,
“Hell is empty and all the Devils are here.”

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