Dancing in the light of candles

Dancing in the light of candles
Sending a shadow against the wall
Swaying to the beat of the music
Closing my eyes forgetting it all
I was right all along
We were dancing to different songs
I’m up for anything to take away this pain
Walking on the wrong side of town
Inviting un welcomed strangers
Pressing the knife against my throat
If it pierces any deeper
Everything inside will spill out to the ground
Digging my grave, my shovel gets duller
My muscles ache, I can’t see any clearer
The life I live ended empty not fuller
As my blood flows out, I’m feeling much cooler
My breaths are erratic and shallow
It’d be quicker to swing from the gallows
But who would cut me down
There’s no one around
Everyone looks and stares
With hatred in their glares
Pleased to know I’m pained
As if my loss is their gain
They tell me I’m going insane
What could they possibly know
My mind is something I loathe
Wakes me up from peaceful dreams
To repeat seeing unspeakable things
Mistakes I cannot correct
Gave away my soul, no taking it back
Walked away when I should have clung on
Spewed out words
Aimed at you like a song
Made you forget why you loved me all along
Free falling without pulling the cord
Feeling the rush as I knock on death’s door
Writing goodbyes were never easier to do
Taking my time there’s a lot to get through
Hopefully my memory will be more favored than my life
Sometimes it seems it takes a wrong to make a right
Going through the motions these last few days
Making sure all ends are tied up so no one feels them self to blame
It just isn’t worth it
Living here without you now
I don’t know how
I’ve followed their advice
Threw the ring away-no longer a wife
Danced with death
Not two times but thrice
Corrupted my body with poisons and vices
Seen ghosts in my room
Been utterly severely frightened
Got down on my knees
Prayed to God up above
Begged him to send me someone to love
But I ruined that too
Must be the thing that I do
Turn a diamond into coal
Climb a mountain end up in a hole
Stole my sanity
Put a spell on my heart
Freedom only comes with a knife to my heart
Wish I could tell you
Wish I could explain
But you gave up long ago
And myself is the one to blame
I need to stop rambling
Write something that makes sense
But if your confused in reading this
Than your probably in my head
Humans are only capable
To a certain degree
Before there’s no more bend just a break
And I admit I’ve seen defeat
I’m baring it all
My clothes are at my feet
Don’t look/ there’s no beauty to see
Insecure doesn’t measure
How he made me feel
I wish I could have accepted you found
Pleasure but I know only lies
And it doesn’t matter how hard I’d tried
I didn’t believe I was good enough for you
But you found the one who pleases you
So that leads me to believe
I was never deceived
You would have left eventually
But the pains still real inside me
I can’t try not ever again
To ever let anyone in
To many scars,he spoke honestly when he degraded
Didn’t care about my feelings
Guess that’s why I’m so damn jaded
Whatever your doing
Whoever you love
I won’t bother you I erased your number
I might be ignorant but I’m not dumb
I hope she makes you happy
Which I’m sure she does
Could you just every once in awhile
Bring my name to your lips
Close your eyes remember how I felt on your chest
I don’t expect ill ever hear from you again
So I know now that this really is the end

My words are a mirror

My words are a mirror. Reflections of me.
Forcing you to look past my face.
Unravel each clue, don’t leave out any piece.
Uncover who I really can be.
There are times when I cover with “makeup”.
The blemishes I hold inside.
There are times that I put on a
smile.
When deep down I’m crying out why?
Things I say to mask the truth,
To appear to be in control.
Forcing myself to use words I don’t feel.
So you cannot see into my soul.
Free up this twisted,wicked one,
who talks to me inside my head.
Pretend to be on top of the world,
when I’m falling off the deep end.
Say something pretty, say something nice.
Something pleasant into your ear:
There’s a rainbow so vivid, it’s a beautiful sight.
But it’s not anywhere close to here.
I could tell you of things I’ve read in books,
or heard from the wisdom of old.
I could write you a sonnet with only white keys,
’cause the black ones hold stories untold.
Dance for you in the light of a candle;
Entice you with the touch of my hands.
Warm your body under the moonlight;
Flesh upon flesh-no need for more.
Nothing to hide, leaving it all exposed.
My place of refuge, only you I hold.
What do you want from me?
I have nothing more to give.
You watched me cry in the dark.
Saw me fall to pieces.
Put them back together.
Just to walk and leave.
He messed me up.
Had some miles in hell to cross.
Put me on a pedestal-
just to disappear when I fell.
Fight for me! don’t give in.
I promise I won’t hurt you again.
Afraid of getting to close to the fire,
Douse me with flames.
I’ll prove my love is true.
Let them talk-let them stare.
What they think- I really don’t care.
Ashamed of my doubts,
I was more than afraid.
I just need you for one more day.
Teach me how to trust, I don’t know how.
Force me to demolish these walls, I unknowingly put up now.
This is new to me,
I’ve had enough.
I can only take so much.
Lead and I will follow.
Your strength I’ll have to borrow.
Your kiss deceives your feelings.
My soul you are stealing.
Lest you forget,,,