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Taking a break

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , on 05/10/2013 by Forever_Broken

I am going to take a break from writing for a little bit, I feel i have indulged too much of myself and i am uncomfortable opening up to the thoughts and feelings that some may view as weird or just insane. Not that i care what people think of me. I am who I am but I will still write in my journal just not post for a bit. I having a rough time as I have for years now but it’s escalating and I don’t know How much words will be interpreted. I appreciate the comments they really mean a lot to me. Ill be back soon but I just wanted to leave you with a quote:

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Devils advocate

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , , , on 04/28/2013 by Forever_Broken

Where’s a hand I’m reaching out
I can’t find strength i scream and shout
Just want a shoulder to cry on
No ones here so ill just go on
Living hours, seconds, moments
Looking for someone but they never come
When I say I’m just deluded
You just laugh don’t see behind it
I’m not dying on the outside
But inside I’m full of disease
Slowly eating my ambition
Quickly putting me on my knees
Grasping, clawing, hunting
For a way out of this pit
But it’s dark and I am blinded
By the void that on my lips
It’s to late to say your sorry
Have my name engraved in stone
And it’s calling me to lay down
Six feet under where I belong
I hope you soon forget me
Hope what you left for was worth my life
Cause I’m fading only weeks left
Got my plan and it is just right
So before I close this chapter
Write the end and put it down
I just wanted once to let you
Realize how much you let me down
I don’t care if tears you splatter
On the ground right on my grave
It’s to late for you to come back
And I wouldn’t want you anyway
You tore my heart out completely
Left me desperate, confused
When I tried to put it back together
All I did was re-abuse
I’m not asking for forgiveness
I won’t care bout that anymore
Ill be living in a different hell
I traded this one for

Why are you still here

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on 04/21/2013 by Forever_Broken

I’m going crazy again
Hearing voices inside of my head
Controlling my every move
Throwing things across the room

I’m ready to run again
Ready to put it all to an end
Give me a gun I can pull the trigger
Turn everything black with one move of my finger

No tears will fall down tonight
I’m running on empty, dried up inside
I want to erase all this shame
Give them more but I’m causing them pain

You don’t get to call me a failure
You can’t judge the wrongs that I’ve done
You broke me and left me with nothing
I did what had to be done

Finished creating a monster inside me
Out of the cage now she’s looking for blood
Chains couldn’t bind the torment she brings me
Resistance is futile when I’m not in your arms

Two dead bodies rotting together
Ones buried deep, one wakes every day
Empty hearts looking for something
Anything to make this nothing go away

My thoughts are so dark at this moment
My adrenaline is running full force
Erasing all evidence I existed
Throwing away what I should be living for

Realizing isn’t half of this battle
I don’t care if you think I’m insane
You don’t feel the reality I live in
Wouldn’t understand if I was able to explain

Shaking the hourglass, make it go quicker
Open my mouth but there’s only whispers
Dreading tomorrow I haven’t had sleep
Hope I can make it through one more week

Underestimated my minds brutal power
Been trampled upon like a beautiful flower
Treason myself to this game I can’t win
Ill be all alone when it comes to an end

Resist the temptation to flee from the pain
Get out from the cover go into the rain
Dive deep in the water go under the waves
Absorb my apologies like drops of ink on a page

Forever isn’t promised

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , on 03/06/2013 by Forever_Broken

Forever isn’t promised its a given
Ive walked through hell so there must be a heaven
Out of my reach I was far off course
Way out in left field while the ball is thrown to first
Always too late or way too early
Broke the clock against the wall just this morning
Running towards the line
Knowing ill finish last
Wanting to be your tomorrow
But already in your past
Riding with the tank on empty
Rolling the windows down
Ragged breaths come from my core
Turn the music up to drown out the sound
Putting it all on the line
Throwing dice one more time
A storm is coming the flash of light
Chills my soul as day turns night
Time to pay the piper its long overdue
Scribbled your name now it’s you they’ll sue
Read me my rights I don’t follow the rules
There’s no lock that can keep me I’ve got all the tools
Hold it together force a smile force your hand
Stake my claim while taking a stand
Tears stain my cheeks I’m a beautiful mess
Ill take your breath away with a gentle caress
Ask me the right questions and I can pass the test
Overlook all my problems and I’m better than the rest
Gaze through dirty windows and you’ll never see something clear
Toss a coin into a well and your wish isn’t any nearer
Love me now while tomorrow’s forgotten
Kiss my lips while their still ruby red
Tell me you love me while I’m able to hear
Cause I won’t care long after I’m dead

03/06/13

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , , on 03/06/2013 by Forever_Broken

Tell me now that you know
Dressed myself up to shine
I’m not sure i feel
Things I can explain
How can you be the one that was lost
While I’m the one that needs found
These words I toss at you aren’t easy on the ear
This beat of my heart isn’t easy to hear
Threw a curve ball that you didn’t see coming
You can’t steal my love It has to be given
Something inside is trying to get out
Heard my whisper but were deaf to my shouts
Tore up inside scars on my wrists
Blood freely flowed now only drips
Losing this battle but winning the war
Wanted something beautiful but only got gore
Drifting to where you and I collide
Believing all the promises I knew were only lies
Using the bitter when I wanted something sweet
You will never make me complete
Turned away but came back to the fire
Been burned to the core but I just want more
Something about you fills me with desire
I cannot resist you must have conspired
Put me back where you found me
Erase these memories of you
Release this blindfold for I cannot see
Falling for every single thing you do
Trudging through quicksand
Pulling me deeper deeper down
Into your love where I’m destined to drown
It feels familiar but I haven’t known you long
Like I know the words but haven’t heard the song

03/05/13

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , on 03/06/2013 by Forever_Broken

Smiles erased have appeared again
My lips can taste their laughter
The sound escapes the prison walls
I can feel the ever afters.
Heart of stone, now made of clay
Pliable to your Hands
We fit together like a hand in glove
Like the waves upon the sand.
Curtains once closed, now open wide
The sun is shining through
I’ve walked for miles down this one lane road
Before I returned to you.
Letting go of troublesome burdens
Picking flowers in the snow
Icy waters have warmed my body
Now I’m ready to finally let go.
Decisions I couldn’t make before
Have become so crystal clear
Pain over pleasure was familiar to me
Comfortable with living in fear.
But despite it all you seem amused
And I still seem to catch your eye
And you whittle away at what’s left of me
Till you reach what I buried inside.
Questions I ask no longer need answered
And I don’t need a map to find home
Finishing first no longer matters
Ill follow wherever you roam.
This time regrets will live in the past
And they’ll rise to the surface no more
I don’t really care who is first or is last
I’m not going to start keeping score.
Just enjoying every moment
Fearing only time itself
Lingering promises quietly spoken
Finished chapters put back on the shelf.