Archive for blood

Unhappy Mother’s Day

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , , on 05/13/2013 by Forever_Broken

So once again I come here with pen in hand
Try to make sense of this madness that never ends
Pain is an endless journey I have embarked
Unlike most who allow it to take control of their lives
To attempt to kill the pain or allow it to kill them
But I chose to use the pain
I have learned how to break the torment, the heartless lies told by predators to their prey
I will break this world before it breaks me
My pain is my strength
I never intended to hurt you
But sometimes it was just so unbearable that I would push it out of my body onto you
So that even just for a brief minute
I could have a moment of relief
If I would only find myself talking to myself more than listening to myself I would probably have healthier thoughts
Your love poisoned me slowly
Odorless, tasteless, colorless, and I never saw it coming
Until it was too late
Until you had infiltrated every pore of my being
Until the day my heart stopped beating
Have you ever been torn between two choices
But you know the outcome whichever you choose is unhappiness
It’s like being six feet under and trying to catch a ray of sunshine
Can’t happen
Sometimes it’s hard to remember a time when I was happy
Surely there had to be at least one day of happiness in my life,right?
It seems like there are so many people like me but I have to pay for everything
And the interest is breaking me
No, I take that back, it has broken me.
Some things should not have consequences
Love
Why do I have to pay dearly for it
As if my own life is predestined for unspeakable torture
A friend asked me today
Why do I do what I do
I told her because if I don’t it will catch me
What? She asked
The unhappiness I am trying to escape from

Angel

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , on 05/07/2013 by Forever_Broken

She was an angel with a broken wing
You held her hand you heard her sing
You saw beyond the feathers on the ground
Made her feel like somehow she really belonged
You collected her tears when the diamonds fell
You held her up when she was falling to hell
She was your curse you were her savior
But nothing you did ever seemed to matter
For alone she sat on a distant cloud
Afraid of the height for she’d surely fall down
For wings don’t mend with time or care
And her eyes she cast down so to avoid all the stares
She wondered what it’d feel like to just let go
To hit the ground hard and not have to know
That she’d never fit in with the ones who could soar
Feel the breeze on her face or to land on the shore
So she cut off her wings and as her blood poured
She was thankful to not have to wake anymore

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Dancing in the light of candles

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on 03/19/2013 by Forever_Broken

Dancing in the light of candles
Sending a shadow against the wall
Swaying to the beat of the music
Closing my eyes forgetting it all
I was right all along
We were dancing to different songs
I’m up for anything to take away this pain
Walking on the wrong side of town
Inviting un welcomed strangers
Pressing the knife against my throat
If it pierces any deeper
Everything inside will spill out to the ground
Digging my grave, my shovel gets duller
My muscles ache, I can’t see any clearer
The life I live ended empty not fuller
As my blood flows out, I’m feeling much cooler
My breaths are erratic and shallow
It’d be quicker to swing from the gallows
But who would cut me down
There’s no one around
Everyone looks and stares
With hatred in their glares
Pleased to know I’m pained
As if my loss is their gain
They tell me I’m going insane
What could they possibly know
My mind is something I loathe
Wakes me up from peaceful dreams
To repeat seeing unspeakable things
Mistakes I cannot correct
Gave away my soul, no taking it back
Walked away when I should have clung on
Spewed out words
Aimed at you like a song
Made you forget why you loved me all along
Free falling without pulling the cord
Feeling the rush as I knock on death’s door
Writing goodbyes were never easier to do
Taking my time there’s a lot to get through
Hopefully my memory will be more favored than my life
Sometimes it seems it takes a wrong to make a right
Going through the motions these last few days
Making sure all ends are tied up so no one feels them self to blame
It just isn’t worth it
Living here without you now
I don’t know how
I’ve followed their advice
Threw the ring away-no longer a wife
Danced with death
Not two times but thrice
Corrupted my body with poisons and vices
Seen ghosts in my room
Been utterly severely frightened
Got down on my knees
Prayed to God up above
Begged him to send me someone to love
But I ruined that too
Must be the thing that I do
Turn a diamond into coal
Climb a mountain end up in a hole
Stole my sanity
Put a spell on my heart
Freedom only comes with a knife to my heart
Wish I could tell you
Wish I could explain
But you gave up long ago
And myself is the one to blame
I need to stop rambling
Write something that makes sense
But if your confused in reading this
Than your probably in my head
Humans are only capable
To a certain degree
Before there’s no more bend just a break
And I admit I’ve seen defeat
I’m baring it all
My clothes are at my feet
Don’t look/ there’s no beauty to see
Insecure doesn’t measure
How he made me feel
I wish I could have accepted you found
Pleasure but I know only lies
And it doesn’t matter how hard I’d tried
I didn’t believe I was good enough for you
But you found the one who pleases you
So that leads me to believe
I was never deceived
You would have left eventually
But the pains still real inside me
I can’t try not ever again
To ever let anyone in
To many scars,he spoke honestly when he degraded
Didn’t care about my feelings
Guess that’s why I’m so damn jaded
Whatever your doing
Whoever you love
I won’t bother you I erased your number
I might be ignorant but I’m not dumb
I hope she makes you happy
Which I’m sure she does
Could you just every once in awhile
Bring my name to your lips
Close your eyes remember how I felt on your chest
I don’t expect ill ever hear from you again
So I know now that this really is the end

Forever isn’t promised

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , on 03/06/2013 by Forever_Broken

Forever isn’t promised its a given
Ive walked through hell so there must be a heaven
Out of my reach I was far off course
Way out in left field while the ball is thrown to first
Always too late or way too early
Broke the clock against the wall just this morning
Running towards the line
Knowing ill finish last
Wanting to be your tomorrow
But already in your past
Riding with the tank on empty
Rolling the windows down
Ragged breaths come from my core
Turn the music up to drown out the sound
Putting it all on the line
Throwing dice one more time
A storm is coming the flash of light
Chills my soul as day turns night
Time to pay the piper its long overdue
Scribbled your name now it’s you they’ll sue
Read me my rights I don’t follow the rules
There’s no lock that can keep me I’ve got all the tools
Hold it together force a smile force your hand
Stake my claim while taking a stand
Tears stain my cheeks I’m a beautiful mess
Ill take your breath away with a gentle caress
Ask me the right questions and I can pass the test
Overlook all my problems and I’m better than the rest
Gaze through dirty windows and you’ll never see something clear
Toss a coin into a well and your wish isn’t any nearer
Love me now while tomorrow’s forgotten
Kiss my lips while their still ruby red
Tell me you love me while I’m able to hear
Cause I won’t care long after I’m dead

03/06/13

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , , on 03/06/2013 by Forever_Broken

Tell me now that you know
Dressed myself up to shine
I’m not sure i feel
Things I can explain
How can you be the one that was lost
While I’m the one that needs found
These words I toss at you aren’t easy on the ear
This beat of my heart isn’t easy to hear
Threw a curve ball that you didn’t see coming
You can’t steal my love It has to be given
Something inside is trying to get out
Heard my whisper but were deaf to my shouts
Tore up inside scars on my wrists
Blood freely flowed now only drips
Losing this battle but winning the war
Wanted something beautiful but only got gore
Drifting to where you and I collide
Believing all the promises I knew were only lies
Using the bitter when I wanted something sweet
You will never make me complete
Turned away but came back to the fire
Been burned to the core but I just want more
Something about you fills me with desire
I cannot resist you must have conspired
Put me back where you found me
Erase these memories of you
Release this blindfold for I cannot see
Falling for every single thing you do
Trudging through quicksand
Pulling me deeper deeper down
Into your love where I’m destined to drown
It feels familiar but I haven’t known you long
Like I know the words but haven’t heard the song

Sleepless night again

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on 12/06/2012 by Forever_Broken

I’m walking around with these glossy eyes,”I’m just tired”I say, but you know what? It’s bullshit.yes I’m tired but it’s not all from lack of sleep.i am tired from waking up with nothing to look forward to,tired of going to bed exhausted after doing a million things I find no enjoyment in doing.im tired of feeling this void, this tired that looms over me even though my days are packed.I’m tired of the loneliness that presses down on me even though I’m surrounded by dozens of ppl. So why can’t I just say it? Humans are so afraid to look into each other eyes and say ” I am unhappy,I am broken, fragile and fallible”I’ve been conditioned to associate pain with weakness, sadness with coldness,loneliness with unworthiness,difference with disease,as if these feelings are contagious, as if ambivalence is something not to be felt but to be feared.well I say screw all that. Fuck forced smiles and polite handshakes, and” I’m fine, thank you”screw the fear of crying in a public place,screw the fake chipper voice,fuck the lies we spit out to hide our real problems.i am human.i am meant to feel everything and to feel it all openly.i am not metal, I am flesh and bone.my boiled blood forces through my cold clammy hands I am intricate and beautiful and I should never try to hide my human parts, because if I do what’s left to show?

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