No one is home

Take me somewhere far away from here
To a place where you can’t see my fear
Give up the life which has been chosen for me
I resign it all i just want to be free
Never resisted enticing temptations
Embraced a stranger in my bed
Gave up my body for a moment of pleasure
And I’d do it all over again
Tie up and bind me
Don’t leave any give
Mute my voice from my pleading
You don’t need me to forgive
Carve into my skin let the red flow
Until only the ugly shows
You enjoy my demise
Everything you say is lies
But it makes things alright
Take this deep into the night
When my tears stop flowing
It only means the pain is growing
And there’s no way your knowing
This is exactly what I need
Out of control I speak in riddles
Don’t make sense like the cat and the fiddle
Create a monster I have very little
My self esteem has already been belittled
Hands on my neck if they squeeze any tighter
Will put out the flames that only grow brighter
Too many drugs can’t get any higher
Forgot what I cannot seem to remember
Eyes open wide no sleep for the weary
Music is loud drowns out the voices I’m hearing
Conversations with myself no one is listening
Phone keeps ringing but I won’t be answering
No one is home tonight

Listen to me

Hear what I am saying,
this might be my last chance.
To tell you what I’m thinking.
To rid the guilt from my past.
It’s time to empty the coffins.
Raise up things long buried ago.
Before its to late to tell you.
I need to let you know.
The hands are moving,
on the face of my enemy.
Time cannot cure;
It’ll be the death of me.
You always wanted my feelings.
Let you have them in your hands to hold,
but I could never release them.
Bound them in my body and soul.
I will try to put off my instincts,
separate from the comfortable and known.
Return as a watchful outsider,
who can narrate what really needs told.
Let go of your hand when you were falling,
Pushed away your attempts to get near.
Closed my eyes to the pain you were feeling.
Lit the fire under all of your fears.
Always thought that there’d be a tomorrow,
Held grudges I should have let go.
Opened hells’ door told you where you could go.
Then you left and I didn’t believe it
Waited to wake from a horrible dream
Kept your things cause I thought you would need them
Goodbyes left unsaid, couldn’t be as it seems.
When I stood in front of your family
In front of your friends and all those you knew
Frozen in time, I felt like a statue
Going through motions to pay you your due.
Didn’t know who I was here without you
Didn’t know how to get on with my life
Raising our kids without you to turn to
Each decision I made, none of them right
Frightened to hold it together
Cutting released some of the pain
Substances took away emotions
Walls helped me not to betray
The years have a way of decaying
Memories I thought never I’d lose
Withered the flowers once fragrant
Until I became just as dead as you