Archive for depression

Rain

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , on 08/29/2017 by Forever_Broken

I love the rain
But only on my bad days
It gives me reason to stay inside
Reason to hide away
It’s cold on my skin
Like ice from the the sky
Stinging the nerves that once were dead
Now feel very alive
I love the rain
It washes the dirt off my hands
Reaches places I ignore
Crevices I’d like to forget
My hair is drenched
As I peel off my clothing
Puddles on the floor
Creating dirty laundry

I love the rain
It takes me away
I love the rain
But only on my bad days

Stuck in a fog

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , , , on 08/28/2017 by Forever_Broken

I want to go
Anywhere but here
Get away from this fog
I need the air to be clear
I need to find forgiveness
I need some room to breathe
I need resuscitation
Lift me off of my knees
My bones they are so brittle
My skin is shallow grey
My eyes don’t shine like they use to
My voice does nothing but break
A place where the sun shines daily
Where laughter always flows freely
Future is promising
People are inspiring
Thats what I need.

I say whats on my mind
I talk to much
Takes skill to win at life
No need for luck
I cry because I’m mad I’m not in pain
Always outside-hide it in the rain

I’ll help you survive
I’ll take your hand
Never let go and I understand
How you feel we are on the same page
I’ll take the night watch you can have the day
Abandoned is what you’ll never be
Alone is not a word you’ll learn to read
Scars will disappear you have my word
Never will you again feel insecure

That would be nice
Don’t you think
If this fog wasn’t so dense
And a place existed that made such sence

Stay with me

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , on 05/13/2013 by Forever_Broken

Stay with me
Sleep every night in my bed
Stay with me
Devote yourself to the love that we had
I was wrong now I see it
You deserve more
This I believe in
But I’m selfish
I went to extremes
Wanted to see If you believed in me
But you ran like the others
When my scars were uncovered
When the truth became muddled
Inside of me
Why did I meet you
If not to love you
To try to trust you
You don’t know how that was all I had left to give
I keep on forgetting
You’ve moved on I was nothing
Holding on to the normal
Splash my face with cold water
Another night with no sleep
I’m like a drone but with a face
I can’t become what you need
I can’t provide something you’ll keep
Just knock me down
I’m better on my knees
Stains on my wrists remind me I still bleed
Fighting with ghosts
Speaking to spirits
Just leave me alone
Just let me be
I don’t want this part of you
And you don’t understand
Burning incense in my room
Burning desires in my bed
I cannot seem to shake you
Your always in my head
Doctors fill me up with pills
Drown my sorrows like all the others do
The poison is taking a toll on me
It’s blurry I can hardly see
Take your hands off my neck
I can hardly breathe
You’ll likely be the death of me

Unhappy Mother’s Day

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , , on 05/13/2013 by Forever_Broken

So once again I come here with pen in hand
Try to make sense of this madness that never ends
Pain is an endless journey I have embarked
Unlike most who allow it to take control of their lives
To attempt to kill the pain or allow it to kill them
But I chose to use the pain
I have learned how to break the torment, the heartless lies told by predators to their prey
I will break this world before it breaks me
My pain is my strength
I never intended to hurt you
But sometimes it was just so unbearable that I would push it out of my body onto you
So that even just for a brief minute
I could have a moment of relief
If I would only find myself talking to myself more than listening to myself I would probably have healthier thoughts
Your love poisoned me slowly
Odorless, tasteless, colorless, and I never saw it coming
Until it was too late
Until you had infiltrated every pore of my being
Until the day my heart stopped beating
Have you ever been torn between two choices
But you know the outcome whichever you choose is unhappiness
It’s like being six feet under and trying to catch a ray of sunshine
Can’t happen
Sometimes it’s hard to remember a time when I was happy
Surely there had to be at least one day of happiness in my life,right?
It seems like there are so many people like me but I have to pay for everything
And the interest is breaking me
No, I take that back, it has broken me.
Some things should not have consequences
Love
Why do I have to pay dearly for it
As if my own life is predestined for unspeakable torture
A friend asked me today
Why do I do what I do
I told her because if I don’t it will catch me
What? She asked
The unhappiness I am trying to escape from

02/10/13

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , on 02/10/2013 by Forever_Broken

In order to be happy I must learn to accept myself. To embrace my flaws and realize that my individuality is what makes me unique. Not try to conform to be like everyone else. Clothing, hair, body size are all ways to show who I am as an individual. I’m not sure why I compare myself to others to determine my self worth. My differences are what make me beautiful. I find myself looking to others to give me completion. I must first be content to be with myself. Sometimes the best friend you can find is inside you. My work entailed hours of solitude in which I find myself having conversations where I am both the narrator and the audience. It often times makes me wonder if that is normal but I have solved many problems that way. Argued different sides to something to come to a conclusion which I can live with. Looking back can also be beneficial. As long as I don’t linger there too long wishing I could go back. But taking what lessons I’ve learned and incorporating them into the now can clarify my thought process. Daily acceptance of things and events going on which are beyond my control makes for a better day. Taking into account the grand picture of our world and realizing that I truly am blessed, even with the mountains to climb and the deserts to cross. To be able to provide for my children, as a widow, where in some countries I would be desolate and have to watch them slowly fade from malnutrition and disease. But it’s easy to turn a blind eye to others misfortunes because many times we just get wrapped up in our own worlds. Which is easy to do as that is where we exist. But every once in awhile we should take time to examine how fortunate we really are and it is then my problems don’t seem so overwhelming. Happiness is a state of mind just like anger, it can be self induced. Taking control over thoughts that are negative before they control me. So today I will be happy, and thankful for the life I have been given. With its rollercoaster ride and gains and losses, it is a good thing. It is too short to waste even a day of it.

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