Wanting more

I want more. To be beautiful. To look in a mirror and be satisfied. Maybe if I go on a zero calorie diet I can achieve some sense of self acceptance. I never feel good enough. Not just in life but in physical appearance which is trite to most but confidence is something that was taken away from me years ago and again recently.

I want someone to love and to love me through it all. Like my grandparents who are 92 and 90. Been married 70 years. My grandma (nana) has Alzheimer’s and my (pop pop) and been by her side daily. I want that. I would trade my eternal destiny, my entire soul, to find someone who adores me. The real me, faults and all. And there’s plenty of those, lmfao 🙂 so here is a pic of what I believe and wish everyone could have. COMMITMENT.

The way it is

there’s a hole in my heart but I stopped the bleeding,
there’s a tear in my eye and I’m barely seeing
there’s no peace in my life but I’m still believing that you will find me someday
there’s a weight on my chest and I’m suffocating
i have to fight for every breath and each one is less
dont even know if I’ll get the next and I must confess
that I get depressed,,are you looking for me?

its raining on my soul and Im drowning
trying to see land but there’s no accounting
for the hands pulling me down under the water
like an animal being led to it’s slaughter

looking for you to take me away
say you’ll never leave you’ll always stay
promise me I can believe in you
that only to me you will be true

a place where the quietness rules the night
where nightmares end and everythings right
with your arms around me holding me tight
i’d stay there forever with you

this darkness compasses my being
never satisfying my needing
“help me now”-I am pleading
take this pain away

I know you understand this thought
I know you also feel distraught
its a lost battle this fight we’ve fought
we must start over again

Ive never met you,youve never met me
but we share a bond no other can see
nor understand though its plain to see
we lean on each other’s miseries

I know how it hurts i know how you cry
I know how you long for them to hold you tight
I know when you cant face one more day
how you just keep going on in every way

they say your soo strong but I know your weak
I know you fall down onto your knees
I know how you begged for just one more chance
if only God would give you them back

But now I have to say goodbye,
put down this pen and wipe my eyes
cherish my angels and put them to bed
tuck them in and kiss their heads.