Stupid me

Your more than a memory
I hear you every day
See your face in all the photos
Words you wrote me haunt my brain
Stay awake so I don’t see you
Cause you visit every dream
Tore down every photo
Lit up all those letters
Turned to ashes every page
Matched your clothes
Watched them burn away
Doesn’t matter if I’m happy
If I’m sad it’s still the same
Feel the tide overwhelming
Pushing every breath out of my lips
It’s getting dark I’m going under
Don’t know which way is up
Panic has riddled my body
Caused my mind to become corrupt
Pulled the blinds down over the windows
Threw my phone against the wall
Desperately seeking a solution
Ignoring all of the calls
Remember how we promised
That we’d love until the end
Broken and shattered is how you left me
I thought you were so much better than him
You made me open my heart up
Something I swore was closed for good
You played me like a puppet
Then burned me like a pile of wood

Gather all your things

Gather all your things.
Take them far away from me.
For I can’t bear to remember the pleasure.
Pain now is all they contain.
Erase my memories of you.
If only that was easy to do.
I’d trade who I’ve become,
even if that meant forever being numb.
Shred my soul into pieces.
Scatter them into the wind.
At times, I’m not even human,
just a thought that appears at a whim.
Corrupted by your beauty,
it’s something so rare it’s hard to ignore.
You played your game so cunningly,
you had me fooled right down to my core.
Silence is louder without you.
Muddled thoughts run through my head.
In the breeze I smell your sweet fragrance.
Driving me crazy, to the point I wish I were dead.
Others stare, their interest I notice.
But I only have eyes for you.
Complicated roads left to travel.
None will lead me back to you.

02/11/13

What happens when you forget who you are
You look in the mirror and see a stranger
Even my eyes hold a distant look- like their from another face
Doing the daily routine but it’s like I’m watching a play
But missing the pieces to fill the empty space
Forgetting how to smile, forgetting how to care
Especially since there is no one else here
I’ve turned into a recluse-I talk to noone
Music is my only escape
Listen to the same songs on repeat
Every night when I’m running the streets
Looking for forgiveness
I need to make up for hurting someone I love
But somehow my words aren’t nearly enough
I guess sometimes it’s not me that burns bridges
So I cannot get to him to repair all the damage
I finally realize he really doesn’t care
So I have no choice but to rid this despair
Forget the past/forget the future is what they tell me
But there’s nothing here emptiness is all I see
My eyes have run dry I’ve given up on love
Time cannot erase this despair I can’t get out of
Just a promise and a small little dream
Is more than I deserve it must be extreme
Settle for nothing sleep all alone
Try to be satisfied in the building I call home
Get up early go to bed late
Dream all my nightmares that keep me awake
Im not permitted to find rest most nights
I am afraid to close my eyes
In fear of what the dreams will hold
What goes on inside is out of my control
Resisting the urge to quench this flame
Just sit and stare out the window frame
There’s a piece of me missing that you didn’t give back
There’s a hole on my heart not some little crack
Ill make sense of this chaos unaided by you
Repair every puncture, all this poison I’ll spew
I can see a little clearer, now I’m up off my knees
Id been fighting against a cyclone, now its just a gentle breeze You weren’t just jotted down in pencil some memory easily erased
You are carved into my soul, now it’s forever defaced
I enjoy the suns warmth even when covered with clouds
I can enjoy a quiet moment when in the midst of a crowd
The moon does not to be full for me to enjoy her beauty,
Just like the flower can turn my head when it’s petals are droopy
Ive learned a lesson or two, on the back of every mistake
Things I’ve wanted to hold on to I’ve had to forsake
Although I’m at the surface and I’m able to stay afloat
I’m no longer drowning but don’t have the strength to build a boat

No one knows

You’ll never understand why I hurt so much because you’re not the one who is crying, you’re not the one who is left behind, you’re not the one who loved too much, and you’re not the one who is holding on to someone who is gone.There comes a point where you miss someone so much that you can hear their voice echo in your head. And you can hear the names that they used to call you, the words they used to tell you. You memorized their laugh, their smile, & their silly ways. You can also feel their arms around you & you don’t want to let go even though you know it’s just an illusion. Every time your phone rings, you smile because it’s them that’s calling. Every time you hear their name, your heart beats 100 times faster and sometimes, you can’t even breathe. You knew that looking back on the tears would make you laugh, but you never knew that looking back on the laughs would also make you cry. All you want is to go back in time. Not to the time that you first met, to the time that you were known as nothing, but strangers. But no matter what, you’re in denial. You hide your feeling so no one would know. You put on a fake smile and don’t let a single tear break through. You’re so used to hiding your feelings that you don’t even realize the pain you’re causing for yourself. Your thoughts becomes invisible. It’s still there, but no ones knows. Like a love letter you didn’t mail.And you’re hurting no one but yourself.