I love the rain
But only on my bad days
It gives me reason to stay inside
Reason to hide away
It’s cold on my skin
Like ice from the the sky
Stinging the nerves that once were dead
Now feel very alive
I love the rain
It washes the dirt off my hands
Reaches places I ignore
Crevices I’d like to forget
My hair is drenched
As I peel off my clothing
Puddles on the floor
Creating dirty laundry
I love the rain
It takes me away
I love the rain
But only on my bad days
I wish I could remember
What my mind made me forget
I’m sure it’s here just lurking
In a room filled with regret
If you saw me pretending
To not notice you standing there
The gestures would seem silly
Like me playing with my hair
I really want to see you
But not in this busy place
Maybe go back a year or two
And relive you touching my face
Fast forwArd to the moment
When we said our last goodbye
I never renounced my love for you
There’s tears I never cried
But some things cut so deeply
Like the blade upon my skin
Like the burn of a shot of whiskey
Like your name out of my lips
The days have seemed to brighten
And I’ve learned to sleep alone
Cleaned out most of my closets
Got rid of those skeleton bones
Tell strangers all the things
That I cannot tell my friends
They know just how I’m feeling
No need here for all that pretense
I’ll lick my lips spit out some more
Don’t let my words fall to the floor
Part of me they’ll never know
You get the harvest of the pain that I’ve sown
I want to go
Anywhere but here
Get away from this fog
I need the air to be clear
I need to find forgiveness
I need some room to breathe
I need resuscitation
Lift me off of my knees
My bones they are so brittle
My skin is shallow grey
My eyes don’t shine like they use to
My voice does nothing but break
A place where the sun shines daily
Where laughter always flows freely
Future is promising
People are inspiring
Thats what I need.
I say whats on my mind
I talk to much
Takes skill to win at life
No need for luck
I cry because I’m mad I’m not in pain
Always outside-hide it in the rain
I’ll help you survive
I’ll take your hand
Never let go and I understand
How you feel we are on the same page
I’ll take the night watch you can have the day
Abandoned is what you’ll never be
Alone is not a word you’ll learn to read
Scars will disappear you have my word
Never will you again feel insecure
That would be nice
Don’t you think
If this fog wasn’t so dense
And a place existed that made such sence
I do not call
Nor do I answer
Give no reason
For this behavior
Walked away
No chance I’ll look back
Moving forward
Put you in the past
Waste no tears
Though they may free you
From all the pain
I’m bound to put on you
Demons aren’t haunting
Allowed to entered
The burden was too great
Needed released from the fetters
I’m nothing but ashes
Just dust to dust
Lying lips will deceive
Empty heart will corrupt
Even though I am breathing
It is never enough
To relieve the empty feeling
Or replace what is lost
Dangerously close
Writing letters of goodbye
But the numbness overwhelms
There are no tears in my eyes
Questions you’ll never get to ask
No lingering hug no last request
Pray if you must
but God has turned his back
I can’t improvise
The strength that I lack
You have your life
And it’s good so you say
You could never comprehend
Could not live mine
Not a single day
I make it look easy
Put on a phony smile
If you knew me at all
You’d see behind the lies
And I’m tired
of all this pretense
I cannot carry on
this facade of semblance
Words on a page
They don’t even have a chance
Forgot who I am
Just a desperate amnesiac
How do I fix
What goes on in my mind
These words I am writing
Sound like my own demise
I don’t want to continue
But I’m lost and it’s dark
I call for help
But no one answers
I don’t know how to start
Return the light you stole from me
Remove the blindfold I cannot see
You left me here to walk alone
You destroyed the place I knew as home
Listened to my silence
knowing there was pain
Haunted every memory
seemed my loss was your gain
Has it been easy
to go off on your own
Was I replaceable
so easy to disown
You promised you’d never leave me
Actually believed I had nothing to fear
You pulled me from the treacherous currant
Just to watch me drown in my tears
You saved me from my own destruction
Emptied the bullets out of my gun
Then gave me over to a slower corruption
Sharpened the blades so they’d pour out my blood
I didn’t want to come here
Knew too well the price that I’d paid
The only thing standing when I lost all before
Was my body without a name
Couldn’t find in the mirror
Any sign I was here
Couldn’t find my way back to this world
Stuck somewhere between here and there
Ink still wet
Words held back
And though your voice is silenced
I can still hear your song
No longer in my arms
Last breath come and gone
I want to see you tonight
Not in a dream or memory
I want to touch your body
Feel your skin one more time
And I don’t care if you use me
Throw me away in the morning
I can’t sleep
Your all i think about
There’s an emptiness inside
That only you can fill
I’m ashamed of what you turned me into
You left pieces out of place
No one understands the puzzle
Your perfection only,this pain can erase
Trespass upon my private soul
I let no one in I let no one know
Being alone is easy to do
When the only one I ever
Wanted was you
Stop my persuasions
Change for me not
What happened between us
Does not matter
I’ve accepted my lot
Intentionally unlocked
Please make this stop
Reason with this one track mind
Doing everything against the grind
Running towards the warning sign
I don’t care about anything right now
I just want you to tell me how
I can get to you
What’s left of you
Is there any part of you
That misses my body
Did you forget completely
Unwind my foolish desires
Shoot down my hopes like a disease
Tie up these unleashed raw emotions
Bury deep all of these needs
Alone I sit and think
About the days that you were here
Alone I remember
everything i held so near
Don’t cry
it will all aright
Don’t frown
I didn’t mean to bring you down
Withered
just disappearing in front of my eyes
Frightened
of the nothing I feel inside
I won’t go back now
Ill leave the past behind somehow
And leave you there in the wreckage
Ill leave you in the wreckage of my heart
My heart is bruised beyond repair
The scars are fresh
they show no signs of healing
It’s been years and it doesn’t matter
Time holds still
The hourglass is shattered
Silence broken/ I can hear your voice
It’s just a whisper,yeah, only a little noise
Drivin me crazy/ You wake me from my sleep
Try to forget you,yet, your still in my dreams
Lift up eyes/ Where am I headed now?
Unfamiliar steps moving me backwards somehow
You will not leave/ so I pour you a drink
Time’s not the only thing your killing/tonight your victim is me
Pull me into the memories that would have come to pass
Take me further down the road we traveled/I’m starting to forget
Quench this thirst-even with your poison-you can put this all to rest
Give me something to believe in for I have nothing left
Your name flows easily off these twisted lips
Your beauty never faded/you hold me captive with your kiss
Desperately clinging to hope that isn’t real
Hiding behind my visions reach/the words I utter you steal
Fighting the need to hold you in my arms once more
Cannot break free your hold is evermore
Tearing out the pages from the book you wrote for me
One by one into the fire, I will set my own self free
Tormented in the shadow of the questions never asked
Put my will back on the shelf/where it’s been laying since you left
Is there a reason to hold on anymore?
Can there ever be something beyond all this pain?
My eyes have grown dim from the tears I hold in.
I push all aside. I don’t need this again.
I thought, just perhaps, there was beauty still waiting….
Until I began unwinding the noose.
Fire grew closer-I was breathing the fumes.
Seeing your face as you withered away.
I cannot do this.
No, not one single day.
No sleep for the weary.
No love that’s untouched.
By death’s cruel demise,
Caution is a must.
I let go of your memories,
For they only bring pain.
Making sense of this turmoil,
Emotionally, I am drained.
Blocked all your numbers,
I need not to see.
All the hurt you endure.
That’s all caused by me.
I started drifting, endlessly,
Even when I close my eyes.
Your stare haunts me.
Your memories still taunt me.
I want to speak;
To see if anyone is there.
To know if you can hear,
But my words become a puddle on the floor.
Drop by drop escaping my tired eyes,
I don’t know if I’m asleep or awake.
If I’m living or have died.
My heads on the ground.
The pain grows deeper.
My twisted way of thinking,
It is covered in black,
I can’t find my way back.
The birds have started singing.
So, I know I am not dreaming.
Another day to aimlessly travel;
Forging a life that is not my own.
No one knows.
I lie.
Hold tears inside,
No hero comes for me.
I must save myself.
But, I can hardly breathe.
I can’t take my memories
And make them real again
And when I call your name
There’s no answer
Just echoes running through my head
I can’t erase the pain you’ve caused me
I can’t put the rain back in the clouds
Can’t take back the scars created
My empty bed dissolves any doubts
loneliness forges the walls created
Not made of wood but iron and steel
There are not any hidden pathways
Or any keys you could possibly steal
The curse of remembering fondly
Bites more deadly than ever allowed
Time does not heal
It’s so condescending
Knocking me down it prefers me to kneel
Believing the distance that now is between us
Could ever be bridged again
Is like trying to follow your footprints
After the waves washed up over the sand
Questions ill never have answered
They’ll go with me right to my grave
What sweet release to be free from this disaster
Free at last no longer enslaved
Forever Broken 