Silence Broken

Silence broken/ I can hear your voice
It’s just a whisper,yeah, only a little noise
Drivin me crazy/ You wake me from my sleep
Try to forget you,yet, your still in my dreams
Lift up eyes/ Where am I headed now?
Unfamiliar steps moving me backwards somehow
You will not leave/ so I pour you a drink
Time’s not the only thing your killing/tonight your victim is me
Pull me into the memories that would have come to pass
Take me further down the road we traveled/I’m starting to forget
Quench this thirst-even with your poison-you can put this all to rest
Give me something to believe in for I have nothing left
Your name flows easily off these twisted lips
Your beauty never faded/you hold me captive with your kiss
Desperately clinging to hope that isn’t real
Hiding behind my visions reach/the words I utter you steal
Fighting the need to hold you in my arms once more
Cannot break free your hold is evermore
Tearing out the pages from the book you wrote for me
One by one into the fire, I will set my own self free
Tormented in the shadow of the questions never asked
Put my will back on the shelf/where it’s been laying since you left

11:22

I can’t take my memories
And make them real again
And when I call your name
There’s no answer
Just echoes running through my head

I can’t erase the pain you’ve caused me
I can’t put the rain back in the clouds
Can’t take back the scars created
My empty bed dissolves any doubts

loneliness forges the walls created
Not made of wood but iron and steel
There are not any hidden pathways
Or any keys you could possibly steal

The curse of remembering fondly
Bites more deadly than ever allowed
Time does not heal
It’s so condescending
Knocking me down it prefers me to kneel

Believing the distance that now is between us
Could ever be bridged again
Is like trying to follow your footprints
After the waves washed up over the sand

Questions ill never have answered
They’ll go with me right to my grave
What sweet release to be free from this disaster
Free at last no longer enslaved

Song attempt??

Vrs.1
I miss your voice
It use to make me tremble
And I miss the “we”
You and I used to resemble
Not even friends
So I can’t pretend
That I’m alright (cause you know I’m not alright)

Chorus
How did you move on, forget me, wipe my kiss off of your lips?
How do I get on, run off, like you didn’t even exist?
Thank you for breaking the one part I had that wasn’t wrong
Now ill just sit here writing memories like a bad song
Like we didn’t have love at all
Like we didn’t have love at all

Vrs.2
Remember when there was meaning in the word “mine”
Did you forget when it was on our side,,time
Are you surprised that I haven’t gotten on with my life
Or just wondering why your on my mind tonight
No I’m not alright.

Break
I fell into you when I was falling for the mr.wrongs
You knew me better than I knew myself all along
I guess leaving just was something that you do
It’s killing me inside because I hon-est-ly loved you

Chorus
How did you move on, forget me, wipe my kiss off of your lips?
How do I get on, run off, like you didn’t even exist?
Thank you for breaking the one part I had that wasn’t wrong
Now ill just sit here writing memories like a bad song
Like we didn’t have love at all
Like we didn’t have love at all

No one is home

Take me somewhere far away from here
To a place where you can’t see my fear
Give up the life which has been chosen for me
I resign it all i just want to be free
Never resisted enticing temptations
Embraced a stranger in my bed
Gave up my body for a moment of pleasure
And I’d do it all over again
Tie up and bind me
Don’t leave any give
Mute my voice from my pleading
You don’t need me to forgive
Carve into my skin let the red flow
Until only the ugly shows
You enjoy my demise
Everything you say is lies
But it makes things alright
Take this deep into the night
When my tears stop flowing
It only means the pain is growing
And there’s no way your knowing
This is exactly what I need
Out of control I speak in riddles
Don’t make sense like the cat and the fiddle
Create a monster I have very little
My self esteem has already been belittled
Hands on my neck if they squeeze any tighter
Will put out the flames that only grow brighter
Too many drugs can’t get any higher
Forgot what I cannot seem to remember
Eyes open wide no sleep for the weary
Music is loud drowns out the voices I’m hearing
Conversations with myself no one is listening
Phone keeps ringing but I won’t be answering
No one is home tonight

My words are a mirror

My words are a mirror. Reflections of me.
Forcing you to look past my face.
Unravel each clue, don’t leave out any piece.
Uncover who I really can be.
There are times when I cover with “makeup”.
The blemishes I hold inside.
There are times that I put on a
smile.
When deep down I’m crying out why?
Things I say to mask the truth,
To appear to be in control.
Forcing myself to use words I don’t feel.
So you cannot see into my soul.
Free up this twisted,wicked one,
who talks to me inside my head.
Pretend to be on top of the world,
when I’m falling off the deep end.
Say something pretty, say something nice.
Something pleasant into your ear:
There’s a rainbow so vivid, it’s a beautiful sight.
But it’s not anywhere close to here.
I could tell you of things I’ve read in books,
or heard from the wisdom of old.
I could write you a sonnet with only white keys,
’cause the black ones hold stories untold.
Dance for you in the light of a candle;
Entice you with the touch of my hands.
Warm your body under the moonlight;
Flesh upon flesh-no need for more.
Nothing to hide, leaving it all exposed.
My place of refuge, only you I hold.
What do you want from me?
I have nothing more to give.
You watched me cry in the dark.
Saw me fall to pieces.
Put them back together.
Just to walk and leave.
He messed me up.
Had some miles in hell to cross.
Put me on a pedestal-
just to disappear when I fell.
Fight for me! don’t give in.
I promise I won’t hurt you again.
Afraid of getting to close to the fire,
Douse me with flames.
I’ll prove my love is true.
Let them talk-let them stare.
What they think- I really don’t care.
Ashamed of my doubts,
I was more than afraid.
I just need you for one more day.
Teach me how to trust, I don’t know how.
Force me to demolish these walls, I unknowingly put up now.
This is new to me,
I’ve had enough.
I can only take so much.
Lead and I will follow.
Your strength I’ll have to borrow.
Your kiss deceives your feelings.
My soul you are stealing.
Lest you forget,,,

March 18,2013

I’m sitting here watching the hours pass
Farther away I’m growing
There’s no turning back
Trying to forget why I’m holding a tissue
Desperately feeling the break that is coming
Noone to console me I’ve torn down those bridges
Forgot how cruel a person can be
Gave away my love its too hard to retrieve
Speak out loud
No I’d rather remain silent
Pretend I’m doing good
My mind-you’ll never get inside it
Pleading with myself not to give it away
Save these confessions for another day
Lightning strikes and I just catch it
Run from danger-no I embrace it
Fearing nothing but fear itself
Escaping from traps that I’ve placed myself
Ruining my life you took yours away
You left like the others but you promised you’d stay
I don’t blame you at all
I’m not worth the time
But you made me believe that you really were mine
Going on solo isn’t the worst I’ve endured
I’ve burned many chapters but yours I’ve just torn
Too sad to smile too proud to admit it
But you became the reason for existence
Grew up to fast
Knew tragedy young
Saw death first hand
Blame myself all along
Must be worthless must be a joke
For everything I love disappears like smoke
Vapors faded, rainbows turned dull
Shades pulled on the windows can’t see through them at all
Dreaming of things I’d never repeat
If it was rated like a movie it couldn’t be PG
Restricted for only the ones not faint of heart
Those who can laugh when ones life is torn apart
It doesn’t seem real
Questions unanswered still
I’m guilty but don’t get an appeal
Times the only thing I can’t seem to kill
Ready to throw it all away
Staring at my reflection as it fades away
Dreading the coming of another day
my life’s running out as I beg you to stay
The time has come to prove that I’m done
No more games have to finish what I’ve begun
Retreading, rewriting wrong turns I’ve went down
You’ve left me no trail, your nowhere to be found
Closest I’ve been to feeling frustrated
Handing out answers but mine’s complicated
I don’t own any words they surely own me
Don’t need a prescription but its too blurry to see
Faithfully silenced I won’t utter a sound
Your wont hear my tears as they fall to the ground

02/11/13

What happens when you forget who you are
You look in the mirror and see a stranger
Even my eyes hold a distant look- like their from another face
Doing the daily routine but it’s like I’m watching a play
But missing the pieces to fill the empty space
Forgetting how to smile, forgetting how to care
Especially since there is no one else here
I’ve turned into a recluse-I talk to noone
Music is my only escape
Listen to the same songs on repeat
Every night when I’m running the streets
Looking for forgiveness
I need to make up for hurting someone I love
But somehow my words aren’t nearly enough
I guess sometimes it’s not me that burns bridges
So I cannot get to him to repair all the damage
I finally realize he really doesn’t care
So I have no choice but to rid this despair
Forget the past/forget the future is what they tell me
But there’s nothing here emptiness is all I see
My eyes have run dry I’ve given up on love
Time cannot erase this despair I can’t get out of
Just a promise and a small little dream
Is more than I deserve it must be extreme
Settle for nothing sleep all alone
Try to be satisfied in the building I call home
Get up early go to bed late
Dream all my nightmares that keep me awake
Im not permitted to find rest most nights
I am afraid to close my eyes
In fear of what the dreams will hold
What goes on inside is out of my control
Resisting the urge to quench this flame
Just sit and stare out the window frame
There’s a piece of me missing that you didn’t give back
There’s a hole on my heart not some little crack
Ill make sense of this chaos unaided by you
Repair every puncture, all this poison I’ll spew
I can see a little clearer, now I’m up off my knees
Id been fighting against a cyclone, now its just a gentle breeze You weren’t just jotted down in pencil some memory easily erased
You are carved into my soul, now it’s forever defaced
I enjoy the suns warmth even when covered with clouds
I can enjoy a quiet moment when in the midst of a crowd
The moon does not to be full for me to enjoy her beauty,
Just like the flower can turn my head when it’s petals are droopy
Ive learned a lesson or two, on the back of every mistake
Things I’ve wanted to hold on to I’ve had to forsake
Although I’m at the surface and I’m able to stay afloat
I’m no longer drowning but don’t have the strength to build a boat

02/03/13-#2

You don’t know how close I come to driving by your home
Just to catch a glimpse of you but fear of the unknown
Keeps me from acting crazy, obsessive
Thoughts I keep at bay
Knowing it would only push you away
Knowing if I saw you with her
Nothing could tame that hurt
Ignorance is better
Pretending there’s nothing wrong
Writing it down helpsmy heart to learn
Life is unpredictable
With love comes hate
Smiles, tears
Joy, pain
It’s a never ending cycle
Ill get through this
Once my blurred vision becomes clear
Once my eyes dry from these damn tears
I almost do a lot of things
I want to I really do
Everytime I stop myself it gets harder
No reply when I text you
Pushes the knife deeper
Waiting for a sign a glimmer of hope
I have to confess I did this to you
Pushed you away the same
If this is my punishment ive served my time
Learned my lesson I just want another try
If you hate me let me know
Without that I can’t let go
I’m not playing games now
I’m fighting for my life
I’ve cleaned up the mess I made
How can you go from loving me
To not even saying goodbye
I see pictures and your smiling
I guess it’s good you can move on so quickly
And leave me behind picking up the pieces
Of what’s left of my broken heart
I thought id been down this road before
Thought I’d learned not to let anyone in
With walls broke down
I’m thinking of leaving this town
Im so done I’m over this thing love
It isn’t worth the pain
All it does is drain
The life from my chest
And even at its best
It’s just a mystery

Inside a mind

If I could feel this much pain just by reading what you wrote,
I wonder how much more there is as you turn those emotions into words
Your put your hands over your eyes to prevent the tears from falling,
You try to hold your breath just to keep your mouth from screaming.

Trying to hold the pen straight had never been this hard from you,
Yet you kept on writing whatever’s left of what you thought was true
Agony tied you in chains and you’re losing hope you could break free
Memories of what used to be haunt you in your sleep and in reality

If I could, I’d take away your sorrow and carry it on my shoulder,
The past you wish to forget, I’d be the one to painfully remember
When you feel the world has deserted you,just call out my name
I’ll be there in a flash trying to make you feel okay

If its space that you need I’d let you have it and just wait here
I ask nothing in return but hope that better you will feel
How do I unbreak and unshatter the pieces of your heart
Tell me what I can say or do to make everything alright.

Bad Dreams Scary Terrors

Bad dreams,, screaming terror, when will itever be over? The darkness compasses me and grips my soul. I’ll never let go. I know the sun is shining but in my world I’m lost in a hole. Only shadows of a life long gone keep me alive. I cannot forget I cannot take one more step. All I can do is lay here and wait for death to come. Death does not scare me I beg for it but it does not hear me. Maybe if I was to bleed a little quicker maybe if I was to cut a little deeper. I would find my eternal rest. Peace is something that eludes me. It is not a word that has any meaning. Just a nice thought for those who can forget who can leave behind their soul and continue in a mindless state of utopia where there is no hurting. I hurt I suffer I am in a living hell every single breath I take it just keeps going, it won’t stop so I carry on in this nightmare wishing for a way to put out this life. Like a burning match everything has an ending. Except for me who has been cursed to live a life of emptiness where nothing matters anymore. Cursed to put on a smile and pretend to be someone I’m not. Forced to continue when I don’t want to. But someday I won’t be able to live this charade anymore and then I’ll be gone. That day is coming and that is what I am waiting for,,, forever waiting.living a charade that you would believe to be real. I’ve learned how to be an actor.what more can I do? What is left of me but a shell filled with nothing how can you get a drink when the glass is empty. I thirst for meaning I yearn for something anything other than this. I will remain here until my lifeless exsistance is done. Until my sentance is satisfied I don’t know what crime I have committed but I know I am living in a cell without any hope of release. I wipe my own eyes and I hold myself when I sleep. Sleep does not come easy and is filled with terrors that I cannot get away from I cannot outrun myself. If I could just go back, I would not be here now. People surround me but I’m alone forever broken forever burning in this unimaginable place you will never see. And if you ever happen to come here turn around and run as fast as you can because it’s like quicksand it pulls you in as u try to escape. Fighting is futile I just wait for it to compress me under where your hands can’t pull me back to safety. I stand on the edge with the wind blowing, pushing me to just fall, realease myself once and for all. I’m trying to hold on but I’m broken my hands don’t hold and my legs are weak I don’t know how much longer I will be able to hang on. The hourglass is emptying ive tried to break it but it is undestructable the sands fall slowely time has stopped there are no days no months no years only moments where memories haunt me mistakes I’ve made choices I always seem to pick the self destructive ones I’m on a downward spiral spinning so fast I cannot think straight my mind is useless, confused, tired and held captive with never-ending thoughts that are painful, physically painful. I will not fly again I will only teeter on the edge afraid to fall afraid to fall afraid to fail afraid to ruin someones life like I have my own. You will not love me I will not hurt you I will be a small shrinking thought that soon will be forgotten .like a flake of snow, I will melt away when you try to hold me some things are better left untouched. Some things are beautiful to look at but fade when approached. Like love like the thought of me and you like happy endings.