Broken Locks

The locks have been broken
The storm is unleashed
Memories I had hidden
On my soul want to feast

Took off all my armor
Put my knife back in its sheaf
Felt the sun for a brief moment
Grew flowers were there was nothing but weeds

I guess I forgot to warn you
“Not everything is as it seems”
You never saw past the smiles
To the pain that lies underneath

And when that dam was shattered
When the floods came ravishing down
Left me alone to face the tempest
Water not air to inhale and drown

You didn’t agree to battle
Didn’t know I was already in war
How can you say that you know me
When you never even noticed the scars

Blaming you is not my intention
I’m shocked at the time that you stayed
I thought I had dealt with my demons
All this time they’ve been stalking their prey

My voice I want heard from the rooftops
No silencer put on this gun
I will say if only on paper
This will not be a rerun

I will not live in that darkness
Nor return to that place of shame
No regrets will come haunting my nightmares
I will look ahead to each brand new day

For yesterday’s only a memory
A reminder of what use to be
Some break from trying to stay there
While some of us try to break free

New Beginnings

Every day I think a new page has turned in the book of my life.
I wonder will I smile today?
Does anyone care?
And I try really hard not to live in the past.
I know you are gone. No one needs to remind me of that.
The emptiness that you left behind remains,,
Un filled,,
Corroding at the very essence of my soul.
I still have dreams and desires.
If I was honest I would admit that I still find it impossible to forget yesterday’s hopes.
I haven’t yet released them.
To sail away out of sight,, out of grasp,, watch them disappear.
I can’t keep you for you’re already gone.
I’m frightened without you.
I don’t know how to start over.
Everything slips through my fingers.
I’m broken.
I just really miss you.
Xoxo

03/04/13

Gonna run away from myself,
Go somewhere new
Far behind this place I now abode
Back to where it was safe
Try to forget your face
Stop from forgetting the reasons
Cut out the things that are treason
Isn’t much left.
Is that really all there is to me
A couple more hours and I won’t be able to see
Drowning my sorrows one mistake at a time
Pretty soon they’ll all be left behind
Somewhere between the nights that don’t end
And the days that never begin
Inflamed my conscience with your icy words of hate
Turned the tables we didn’t leave anything to fate
Making my words run together
I can’t get it straight
I can’t go any further
Standing in front of a broken gate
Stealing dreams from a girl I once knew
I should have let her go on believing in a chance they’d come true
I’ve nothing to say to you
Just drops of ink on a page
That will fade with the moon in the sunrise
No other choice it’s already thrown away
Drifted quietly but now the currents swift
I think it pulling me towards a cliff
Nothing to hold onto
Nothing to grasp
I just close my eyes and start to relax
As hard as I try I end up at the beginning
It’s a steep mountain slope
I can’t help from sliding
Empty my mind empty my heart
Sew these pieces back together that you tore apart
Try to speak but hear no words
Driving fast but going nowhere
Flashing lights as darkness fades in
Cannot escape,caught up in this nightmare
Closing the door I should have left open
Binding it up with locks and keys
Remembering things, best left forgotten
Visions I don’t want to see
Shallow is the air I cannot inhale deeply
Cutting the poison out of my veins
Sticks and stones though never may break me
Keep knocking me down over and over again
What do I do with these pieces all shattered
Where can I go to lay down my head
Forgetting all things that once really mattered
Stealing my life when I’m not even dead
Though I am now to you
I won’t even answer
I won’t come around anymore to your door
I won’t say your name in the heat of our pleasure
Ive been erased you remember me no more