Archive for pain

Unanswered calls

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , on 09/02/2013 by Forever_Broken

I do not call
Nor do I answer
Give no reason
For this behavior
Walked away
No chance I’ll look back
Moving forward
Put you in the past
Waste no tears
Though they may free you
From all the pain
I’m bound to put on you
Demons aren’t haunting
Allowed to entered
The burden was too great
Needed released from the fetters
I’m nothing but ashes
Just dust to dust
Lying lips will deceive
Empty heart will corrupt
Even though I am breathing
It is never enough
To relieve the empty feeling
Or replace what is lost
Dangerously close
Writing letters of goodbye
But the numbness overwhelms
There are no tears in my eyes
Questions you’ll never get to ask
No lingering hug no last request
Pray if you must
but God has turned his back
I can’t improvise
The strength that I lack
You have your life
And it’s good so you say
You could never comprehend
Could not live mine
Not a single day
I make it look easy
Put on a phony smile
If you knew me at all
You’d see behind the lies
And I’m tired
of all this pretense
I cannot carry on
this facade of semblance
Words on a page
They don’t even have a chance
Forgot who I am
Just a desperate amnesiac
How do I fix
What goes on in my mind
These words I am writing
Sound like my own demise
I don’t want to continue
But I’m lost and it’s dark
I call for help
But no one answers
I don’t know how to start

Changing tides

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , on 08/14/2013 by Forever_Broken

There’s a space-been erased in my heart that’s hollow
Memories dissipate-can’t retrace or foresee tomorrow
Taken back to the days where our love never knew sorrow
Now your gone-slipped away-there’s no trail to follow

Fought to breathe-left for dead
Yesterday haunts me in my head
Giving up-letting go
Taking back promises I told

I’m almost cutting the rope
Not holding on to false hope
Insatiable is your hold
Can’t reword what’s already told

Incurable disease is eating away my soul
Distressed actions flow forth from what hasn’t been sold
Waiting, biding my time til I’m numb from the cold
Tearing apart the reasons that never were told
Kiss me with your lifeless lips
Let me enter in that void
Fallen off flesh-my hands are stained
Keep me here til I’m destroyed

Hold me down no room to breathe
Carve into my body I won’t scream
Tracks I lay upon and wait for the rattle
No second thoughts turning back now is futile
Empty hollow voids where my eyes use to be
Heightened sense of feeling with my fingers I can see
Parade of fools where are they going
Bound tightly to their cause
If they think that love’s the answer
When they lose it, they will starve
Come undone, forgive the wrongs
Put a crown upon your head
You wear it well, your chest swells
But your living in a cell
A prison without a key
Soon you’ll see- don’t laugh to loud
He’ll come to take your smile
Life’s not fair and you’ll be scared
When the reaper comes to tear
Your castle down
Don’t cry those tears in front of me
I told you all along
Put the words into a rhythm and sang them into a song
So now you want to hear me
Need some advice from me to you?
Then listen up-I’m saying it quick
Don’t blink twice or you will miss

Whispering echoes linger on my ear
His voice, his touch, I can get so very near
The air turns cold yet a fire burns in me
Knowing all that’s left is all there’ll ever be
I cut my hair I cut my arms
Wrap them up gotta hide the harm
Relinquish your claim
It’s dark inside here
I’m convulsing from this anger
I want to remember who I use to be
I need release to be set free
Please don’t be mad
I love you so
No love left for me, that debt I still owe

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08/12/13

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , on 08/12/2013 by Forever_Broken

Return the light you stole from me
Remove the blindfold I cannot see
You left me here to walk alone
You destroyed the place I knew as home
Listened to my silence
knowing there was pain
Haunted every memory
seemed my loss was your gain
Has it been easy
to go off on your own
Was I replaceable
so easy to disown
You promised you’d never leave me
Actually believed I had nothing to fear
You pulled me from the treacherous currant
Just to watch me drown in my tears
You saved me from my own destruction
Emptied the bullets out of my gun
Then gave me over to a slower corruption
Sharpened the blades so they’d pour out my blood
I didn’t want to come here
Knew too well the price that I’d paid
The only thing standing when I lost all before
Was my body without a name
Couldn’t find in the mirror
Any sign I was here
Couldn’t find my way back to this world
Stuck somewhere between here and there
Ink still wet
Words held back
And though your voice is silenced
I can still hear your song
No longer in my arms
Last breath come and gone

Alone

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , on 08/10/2013 by Forever_Broken

Alone I sit and think
About the days that you were here
Alone I remember
everything i held so near
Don’t cry
it will all aright
Don’t frown
I didn’t mean to bring you down
Withered
just disappearing in front of my eyes
Frightened
of the nothing I feel inside
I won’t go back now
Ill leave the past behind somehow
And leave you there in the wreckage
Ill leave you in the wreckage of my heart
My heart is bruised beyond repair
The scars are fresh
they show no signs of healing
It’s been years and it doesn’t matter
Time holds still
The hourglass is shattered

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Silence Broken

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , , , on 08/08/2013 by Forever_Broken

Silence broken/ I can hear your voice
It’s just a whisper,yeah, only a little noise
Drivin me crazy/ You wake me from my sleep
Try to forget you,yet, your still in my dreams
Lift up eyes/ Where am I headed now?
Unfamiliar steps moving me backwards somehow
You will not leave/ so I pour you a drink
Time’s not the only thing your killing/tonight your victim is me
Pull me into the memories that would have come to pass
Take me further down the road we traveled/I’m starting to forget
Quench this thirst-even with your poison-you can put this all to rest
Give me something to believe in for I have nothing left
Your name flows easily off these twisted lips
Your beauty never faded/you hold me captive with your kiss
Desperately clinging to hope that isn’t real
Hiding behind my visions reach/the words I utter you steal
Fighting the need to hold you in my arms once more
Cannot break free your hold is evermore
Tearing out the pages from the book you wrote for me
One by one into the fire, I will set my own self free
Tormented in the shadow of the questions never asked
Put my will back on the shelf/where it’s been laying since you left

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Poem in the dark

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , , , on 07/24/2013 by Forever_Broken

Is there a reason to hold on anymore?
Can there ever be something beyond all this pain?
My eyes have grown dim from the tears I hold in.
I push all aside. I don’t need this again.
I thought, just perhaps, there was beauty still waiting….
Until I began unwinding the noose.
Fire grew closer-I was breathing the fumes.
Seeing your face as you withered away.
I cannot do this.
No, not one single day.
No sleep for the weary.
No love that’s untouched.
By death’s cruel demise,
Caution is a must.
I let go of your memories,
For they only bring pain.
Making sense of this turmoil,
Emotionally, I am drained.
Blocked all your numbers,
I need not to see.
All the hurt you endure.
That’s all caused by me.
I started drifting, endlessly,
Even when I close my eyes.
Your stare haunts me.
Your memories still taunt me.
I want to speak;
To see if anyone is there.
To know if you can hear,
But my words become a puddle on the floor.
Drop by drop escaping my tired eyes,
I don’t know if I’m asleep or awake.
If I’m living or have died.
My heads on the ground.
The pain grows deeper.
My twisted way of thinking,
It is covered in black,
I can’t find my way back.
The birds have started singing.
So, I know I am not dreaming.
Another day to aimlessly travel;
Forging a life that is not my own.
No one knows.
I lie.
Hold tears inside,
No hero comes for me.
I must save myself.
But, I can hardly breathe.

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Changing tides

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , on 07/23/2013 by Forever_Broken

There’s a space-been erased in my heart that’s hollow
Memories dissipate-can’t retrace or foresee tomorrow
Taken back to the days where our love never knew sorrow
Now your gone-slipped away-there’s no trail to follow

Fought to breathe-left for dead
Yesterday haunts me in my head
Giving up-letting go
Taking back promises I told

I’m almost cutting the rope
Not holding on to false hope
Insatiable is your hold
Can’t reword what’s already told

Incurable disease is eating away my soul
Distressed actions flow forth from what hasn’t been sold
Waiting, biding my time til I’m numb from the cold
Tearing apart the reasons that never were told
Kiss me with your lifeless lips
Let me enter in that void
Fallen off flesh-my hands are stained
Keep me here til I’m destroyed

Hold me down no room to breathe
Carve into my body I won’t scream
Tracks I lay upon and wait for the rattle
No second thoughts turning back now is futile
Empty hollow voids where my eyes use to be
Heightened sense of feeling with my fingers I can see
Parade of fools where are they going
Bound tightly to their cause
If they think that love’s the answer
When they lose it, they will starve
Come undone, forgive the wrongs
Put a crown upon your head
You wear it well, your chest swells
But your living in a cell
A prison without a key
Soon you’ll see- don’t laugh to loud
He’ll come to take your smile
Life’s not fair and you’ll be scared
When the reaper comes to tear
Your castle down
Don’t cry those tears in front of me
I told you all along
Put the words into a rhythm and sang them into a song
So now you want to hear me
Need some advice from me to you?
Then listen up-I’m saying it quick
Don’t blink twice or you will miss

Whispering echoes linger on my ear
His voice, his touch, I can get so very near
The air turns cold yet a fire burns in me
Knowing all that’s left is all there’ll ever be
I cut my hair I cut my arms
Wrap them up gotta hide the harm
Relinquish your claim
It’s dark inside here
I’m convulsing from this anger
I want to remember who I use to be
I need release to be set free
Please don’t be mad
I love you so
No love left for me, that debt I still owe

20130723-182552.jpg

11:22

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , , , on 06/30/2013 by Forever_Broken

I can’t take my memories
And make them real again
And when I call your name
There’s no answer
Just echoes running through my head

I can’t erase the pain you’ve caused me
I can’t put the rain back in the clouds
Can’t take back the scars created
My empty bed dissolves any doubts

loneliness forges the walls created
Not made of wood but iron and steel
There are not any hidden pathways
Or any keys you could possibly steal

The curse of remembering fondly
Bites more deadly than ever allowed
Time does not heal
It’s so condescending
Knocking me down it prefers me to kneel

Believing the distance that now is between us
Could ever be bridged again
Is like trying to follow your footprints
After the waves washed up over the sand

Questions ill never have answered
They’ll go with me right to my grave
What sweet release to be free from this disaster
Free at last no longer enslaved

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3:50am

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , on 06/30/2013 by Forever_Broken

Write it down I want to read
What you really think about me
Take your time do not erase
Leave every word in its place
Start with how you heard my name
And end it with my being insane
And tell me how you read all about
My life like a book that fell off a shelf
What went through your mind when I wanted to die
Could you relate to those feelings I didn’t hide
Did I scare you a little did I scare you a lot
Did I sound like someone who was best just forgot
Did you laugh with my pleasure
Did you cry with my tears
Did you understand at all the reason I was here
Did you miss me in my silence
Did you wonder how I was
Did you get inside this head of mine
Feel the anguish and all that it does
I wish I could tell another story
One that ended with dreams coming true
But that would require a different lifetime
And we were never promised two
I want to hear what you show to no one
I want your secrets whispered in my ear
I want to enter into your being
Blend together what’s left of our years
So wont you tell me what your thinking
Don’t leave out not a single detail
I know I come across with weakness
I know you know Im just frail
Pick me apart pull out all my feathers
I won’t need them anymore anyway
The burdens to heavy to lift off this cold earth
And my strength has withered away

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6/30/13

Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags , , , , , , , on 06/30/2013 by Forever_Broken

You asked me why I’m leaving
Why I can’t stay another day
It’s not leaving that I’m doing
Rather I’m just running away
Am I running towards something I want
Or leaving something behind
Afraid to admit that I want you
Afraid to make you mine
I can’t stay not even a moment
For the ice is getting thin
Hearing the cracks
I stop and stumble
Am I going to sink or swim
Forgetting is easy your almost a memory
Your name I do not recognize
Closing my eyes the blindness is soothing
Reality brings your torment of lies
Go ahead try to tell me I’m bluffing
Say what you want I don’t care anymore
I’ve put you away where you cannot harm me
I traded my soul for this life that was ours
If I’m going to hell then you cannot come with me
I do not explain all this pain that I’m in
With nothing is how it was entered
And with nothing is how it will end

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