There is soo much more to me than I allow most people to see. I will keep a part of myself hidden for I have learned through experience that it is unlovable. You can love the way my hand feels in yours, the way I will care for you when your sick, even the way I tickle your toes with mine. My soft words of encouragement when your down, my laugh, my sincere words “I love you”, those are lovable. But the way I don’t sleep at night, to hear me cry in my sleep from the nightmares, my distant personality, you don’t want to know that part of me. I need someone who is able to love me as a whole, not just parts. So it’s best to just walk away, because to love and be abandoned is a lesson you don’t want to learn. But if you do, I hope it is a lot less painful for you than it was for me.
Archive for pain
You cannot just have a piece of me
Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags Love, muse, pain, personal, Writings on 06/13/2013 by Forever_BrokenTurn the page
Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags blogs, life, Love, pain, poetry, Writings on 05/20/2013 by Forever_BrokenTurn the page, keep on writing
This spell on me is ever binding
The passion that is in my soul
Not through my lips but my fingers told
Travel through uncharted waters
The currents my map I do not halter
Just take each blow though I’m still standing
The bruises prove the hits are landing
Forget the wishes I use to have
Blindly move forward no lights on this path
Throwing pennies but missing the well
Aimed for heaven but ended in hell
Filled up with pain but always am silent
You tore me apart no way to deny it
Despair
Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags blogs, heartbreak, pain, poetry, quotes, scars, Writings on 05/16/2013 by Forever_BrokenTime does not heal. It only fades the outward scar that onlookers see. The damage underneath and the heartbreak never leave. it is just less noticeable to others.
Posted in feelings of a btoken heart, Uncategorized with tags life, loneliness, Love, pain, Photography, poetry, self portray, wrinkles on 05/01/2013 by Forever_Broken
You broke me
I realize this now
I didn’t understand why I was having problems
But it all makes sense to me now
Glueing back together
The pieces on the ground
The shards they cut so deeply
To many to count they all cannot be found
Loneliness is something I live with
Though my house has many inside
Put on a facade they don’t know what I’m wearing
They never see the tears that I hide
Desperate to feel something
Other than this bleakness you left me in
Try to write down to figure out reasons
But there’s not enough ink in my pen
Cannot speak in the language your using
My dialect is foreign to you
Dictionaries don’t have correct meanings
Nothing I say can make sense to you
Your hold is a vice around my heart
Tighter it grows with each gasping breath
I pretend to be somewhere far away
Drive myself to where you’d always stay
Look for your eyes in the faces of strangers
Hear your voice growing weaker
Feel your touch from a distant memory
Grasp for the chance to open you up to me
How I want to run but would you go with me
I’d go anywhere if you promised you never leave
It’s been months but I still believe
That you are the one who was made for me
Desperate for truth I seek out the answer
Looking for ways to get past all your laughter
I’m just a grain of sand on a beach full of pebbles
Replaced so easily I understand
That the words that you said they meant nothing to you
How quickly I fell for the lie I believed was you
You should get an award
you did what no one else could do
It’s been a living hell with the absence of you
Didn’t get a goodbye just a pocket of tears
Didn’t get to hold on to anything
But a life full of regrets
Cleaning out my closet
Boxing things I’d think they’d want
Little pieces worth nothing
To remember the person they lost
I’m Slowly putting it all together
The plans coming to an end
Living is the death of me
And this they don’t understand
I Can’t Forget
Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags bleed, broken, crying, forget, gone, last time, left behind, life, loneliness, Love, pain, personal, poetry, regrets, relationships, Writings on 03/29/2013 by Forever_BrokenHow do you do that?
Make me forget.
Take me to somewhere I’ve been before,
But it’s been so long that I forgot.
Do you feel it when you touch me?
The chills run across my skin.
Desire is overwhelming,
I can’t resist letting you in.
Speak my name slowly,
I want to soak it in.
It’s a warm place of shelter,
when I’m facing the bitter winds.
Keep my eyes open, I want to remember,
as I fall into your arms so strong,
your body moves to mine like a mirror.
Like we’ve been entwined all along.
Forgive me for my dirty confessions.
You don’t know what you do to me.
Turn me into an animal.
Clawing your back,setting blood free.
Eternally damned, now I’ve tasted your love.
Fighting for bondage, I don’t want to be released.
Keep you here forever, explore the unseen.
Naked, only you have put my fears at ease.
Starving for your flesh,
I cannot get enough.
Touch every part of my being.
I don’t want us to part.
Time has passed but feelings still alive.
Perhaps it was something different in your mind.
I only wish you could come over now.
Commitments I couldn’t make; I can give now.
Shouldn’t have went down memory lane.
I forgot how much this hurts.
It’s probably not even worth,
turning letters into words.
But for now,, I can’t forget.
Gather all your things
Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags alone, Emotions, Hurt, Love, musings, pain, poetry, regrets, Writings on 03/23/2013 by Forever_BrokenGather all your things.
Take them far away from me.
For I can’t bear to remember the pleasure.
Pain now is all they contain.
Erase my memories of you.
If only that was easy to do.
I’d trade who I’ve become,
even if that meant forever being numb.
Shred my soul into pieces.
Scatter them into the wind.
At times, I’m not even human,
just a thought that appears at a whim.
Corrupted by your beauty,
it’s something so rare it’s hard to ignore.
You played your game so cunningly,
you had me fooled right down to my core.
Silence is louder without you.
Muddled thoughts run through my head.
In the breeze I smell your sweet fragrance.
Driving me crazy, to the point I wish I were dead.
Others stare, their interest I notice.
But I only have eyes for you.
Complicated roads left to travel.
None will lead me back to you.
Dancing in the light of candles
Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags alone, bleed, blog, blogging, blood, broken, Missing you, pain, poetry, random, regrets, thoughts, Unloved on 03/19/2013 by Forever_BrokenDancing in the light of candles
Sending a shadow against the wall
Swaying to the beat of the music
Closing my eyes forgetting it all
I was right all along
We were dancing to different songs
I’m up for anything to take away this pain
Walking on the wrong side of town
Inviting un welcomed strangers
Pressing the knife against my throat
If it pierces any deeper
Everything inside will spill out to the ground
Digging my grave, my shovel gets duller
My muscles ache, I can’t see any clearer
The life I live ended empty not fuller
As my blood flows out, I’m feeling much cooler
My breaths are erratic and shallow
It’d be quicker to swing from the gallows
But who would cut me down
There’s no one around
Everyone looks and stares
With hatred in their glares
Pleased to know I’m pained
As if my loss is their gain
They tell me I’m going insane
What could they possibly know
My mind is something I loathe
Wakes me up from peaceful dreams
To repeat seeing unspeakable things
Mistakes I cannot correct
Gave away my soul, no taking it back
Walked away when I should have clung on
Spewed out words
Aimed at you like a song
Made you forget why you loved me all along
Free falling without pulling the cord
Feeling the rush as I knock on death’s door
Writing goodbyes were never easier to do
Taking my time there’s a lot to get through
Hopefully my memory will be more favored than my life
Sometimes it seems it takes a wrong to make a right
Going through the motions these last few days
Making sure all ends are tied up so no one feels them self to blame
It just isn’t worth it
Living here without you now
I don’t know how
I’ve followed their advice
Threw the ring away-no longer a wife
Danced with death
Not two times but thrice
Corrupted my body with poisons and vices
Seen ghosts in my room
Been utterly severely frightened
Got down on my knees
Prayed to God up above
Begged him to send me someone to love
But I ruined that too
Must be the thing that I do
Turn a diamond into coal
Climb a mountain end up in a hole
Stole my sanity
Put a spell on my heart
Freedom only comes with a knife to my heart
Wish I could tell you
Wish I could explain
But you gave up long ago
And myself is the one to blame
I need to stop rambling
Write something that makes sense
But if your confused in reading this
Than your probably in my head
Humans are only capable
To a certain degree
Before there’s no more bend just a break
And I admit I’ve seen defeat
I’m baring it all
My clothes are at my feet
Don’t look/ there’s no beauty to see
Insecure doesn’t measure
How he made me feel
I wish I could have accepted you found
Pleasure but I know only lies
And it doesn’t matter how hard I’d tried
I didn’t believe I was good enough for you
But you found the one who pleases you
So that leads me to believe
I was never deceived
You would have left eventually
But the pains still real inside me
I can’t try not ever again
To ever let anyone in
To many scars,he spoke honestly when he degraded
Didn’t care about my feelings
Guess that’s why I’m so damn jaded
Whatever your doing
Whoever you love
I won’t bother you I erased your number
I might be ignorant but I’m not dumb
I hope she makes you happy
Which I’m sure she does
Could you just every once in awhile
Bring my name to your lips
Close your eyes remember how I felt on your chest
I don’t expect ill ever hear from you again
So I know now that this really is the end
02/03/13-#2
Posted in poetry,personal writing with tags life, loneliness, Love, memories, pain, poetry, Writings on 02/03/2013 by Forever_BrokenYou don’t know how close I come to driving by your home
Just to catch a glimpse of you but fear of the unknown
Keeps me from acting crazy, obsessive
Thoughts I keep at bay
Knowing it would only push you away
Knowing if I saw you with her
Nothing could tame that hurt
Ignorance is better
Pretending there’s nothing wrong
Writing it down helpsmy heart to learn
Life is unpredictable
With love comes hate
Smiles, tears
Joy, pain
It’s a never ending cycle
Ill get through this
Once my blurred vision becomes clear
Once my eyes dry from these damn tears
I almost do a lot of things
I want to I really do
Everytime I stop myself it gets harder
No reply when I text you
Pushes the knife deeper
Waiting for a sign a glimmer of hope
I have to confess I did this to you
Pushed you away the same
If this is my punishment ive served my time
Learned my lesson I just want another try
If you hate me let me know
Without that I can’t let go
I’m not playing games now
I’m fighting for my life
I’ve cleaned up the mess I made
How can you go from loving me
To not even saying goodbye
I see pictures and your smiling
I guess it’s good you can move on so quickly
And leave me behind picking up the pieces
Of what’s left of my broken heart
I thought id been down this road before
Thought I’d learned not to let anyone in
With walls broke down
I’m thinking of leaving this town
Im so done I’m over this thing love
It isn’t worth the pain
All it does is drain
The life from my chest
And even at its best
It’s just a mystery
Forever Broken 