Saturday

I may not be beautiful
Or wear a size four
Don’t turn heads when I’m walking
No one opens any doors
I may not hold my head up proudly
And your eyes I’ll never meet
Cause there’s something deep inside me
POISEN spreading like disease
I won’t make much conversation
And your jokes won’t make me laugh
If a line was ever forming
I’d go straight towards the back
I’m lock inside a cage of fear
I crouch down in the dark
Cover my ears but I still hear him
His last words tear at my heart
I pushed away the one thing
That I needed most of all
Felt so safe within his presence
Knew he’d catch me if ever I’d fall
Scared he’d leave so I kept my distance
But in his arms so late at night
All the demons finally vanished
Clouds moved on
Sun shone so bright
Never will I forget to remember
Or erase the scars that show
I refuse to question the reasons
That assembled the walls that I know
But if ever a moments comes near me
When I get the chance to say
All the words that were unspoken
Were the ones that would have made you stay
I would shout them from the rooftops
Scream them out with passions unfurled
Break the silence of scared inhibitions
You’d understand the depth of my love
But I’m just a passive loner
Walking down this beaten path
Never stopping to smell the flowers
Always thinking of turning back

3:50am

Write it down I want to read
What you really think about me
Take your time do not erase
Leave every word in its place
Start with how you heard my name
And end it with my being insane
And tell me how you read all about
My life like a book that fell off a shelf
What went through your mind when I wanted to die
Could you relate to those feelings I didn’t hide
Did I scare you a little did I scare you a lot
Did I sound like someone who was best just forgot
Did you laugh with my pleasure
Did you cry with my tears
Did you understand at all the reason I was here
Did you miss me in my silence
Did you wonder how I was
Did you get inside this head of mine
Feel the anguish and all that it does
I wish I could tell another story
One that ended with dreams coming true
But that would require a different lifetime
And we were never promised two
I want to hear what you show to no one
I want your secrets whispered in my ear
I want to enter into your being
Blend together what’s left of our years
So wont you tell me what your thinking
Don’t leave out not a single detail
I know I come across with weakness
I know you know Im just frail
Pick me apart pull out all my feathers
I won’t need them anymore anyway
The burdens to heavy to lift off this cold earth
And my strength has withered away

6/30/13

You asked me why I’m leaving
Why I can’t stay another day
It’s not leaving that I’m doing
Rather I’m just running away
Am I running towards something I want
Or leaving something behind
Afraid to admit that I want you
Afraid to make you mine
I can’t stay not even a moment
For the ice is getting thin
Hearing the cracks
I stop and stumble
Am I going to sink or swim
Forgetting is easy your almost a memory
Your name I do not recognize
Closing my eyes the blindness is soothing
Reality brings your torment of lies
Go ahead try to tell me I’m bluffing
Say what you want I don’t care anymore
I’ve put you away where you cannot harm me
I traded my soul for this life that was ours
If I’m going to hell then you cannot come with me
I do not explain all this pain that I’m in
With nothing is how it was entered
And with nothing is how it will end