Winter cold

I want to remember everything you said to me
Even the beautiful lies that you led me to believe
Forever together
Nothing’s further from the truth
You sounded like an angel
When those words came out of you
Where would we be if life was fair
If stories never ended
If your soul the reaper spared?
Maybe I wouldn’t understand how to love
If the breaking of my heart hadn’t hurt ever this much
But your eyes still they haunt me
I still see you there, you know
When you come and walk beside me
Through the hollow nights I have come to know
We should have built that treehouse
Slept underneath the stars
Talked away the midnight hours
You should be holding me in your arms
And our daughter, what a treasure,
She has a gentleness to which none can compare
You should have seen her sparkle
In the dress she chose to wear
Your boy is the spitting image
Maybe that’s why I hold him so tight
I can see in the way he carries himself
He’s gonna turn out to be alright
But me, I’m just a loner
Driven by insatiable train of thoughts
Always reaching out to find you
Always forgetting it is me that is lost
Lost and going in circles
Frightened every corner I turn
And I’m desperately searching for something
But it slips away every time I try to hold
The cards are dealt among us
Why do I raise when I know I should fold
I’m fading along with your memory
Like this broken heart you long ago stole

March 18,2013

I’m sitting here watching the hours pass
Farther away I’m growing
There’s no turning back
Trying to forget why I’m holding a tissue
Desperately feeling the break that is coming
Noone to console me I’ve torn down those bridges
Forgot how cruel a person can be
Gave away my love its too hard to retrieve
Speak out loud
No I’d rather remain silent
Pretend I’m doing good
My mind-you’ll never get inside it
Pleading with myself not to give it away
Save these confessions for another day
Lightning strikes and I just catch it
Run from danger-no I embrace it
Fearing nothing but fear itself
Escaping from traps that I’ve placed myself
Ruining my life you took yours away
You left like the others but you promised you’d stay
I don’t blame you at all
I’m not worth the time
But you made me believe that you really were mine
Going on solo isn’t the worst I’ve endured
I’ve burned many chapters but yours I’ve just torn
Too sad to smile too proud to admit it
But you became the reason for existence
Grew up to fast
Knew tragedy young
Saw death first hand
Blame myself all along
Must be worthless must be a joke
For everything I love disappears like smoke
Vapors faded, rainbows turned dull
Shades pulled on the windows can’t see through them at all
Dreaming of things I’d never repeat
If it was rated like a movie it couldn’t be PG
Restricted for only the ones not faint of heart
Those who can laugh when ones life is torn apart
It doesn’t seem real
Questions unanswered still
I’m guilty but don’t get an appeal
Times the only thing I can’t seem to kill
Ready to throw it all away
Staring at my reflection as it fades away
Dreading the coming of another day
my life’s running out as I beg you to stay
The time has come to prove that I’m done
No more games have to finish what I’ve begun
Retreading, rewriting wrong turns I’ve went down
You’ve left me no trail, your nowhere to be found
Closest I’ve been to feeling frustrated
Handing out answers but mine’s complicated
I don’t own any words they surely own me
Don’t need a prescription but its too blurry to see
Faithfully silenced I won’t utter a sound
Your wont hear my tears as they fall to the ground