Getting it out

Today I am trying really hard to be self-sufficient. This is one of those days where I miss having a partner. My oldest boy,13, is pushing my buttons. I can’t give in which is the easiest thing to do. I have to stand my ground. I’m afraid at times I’m too hard or don’t spend enough time with him. I blame my work schedule which is an 55 hour week, every week. But that’s the minimum I can do to get by. Something’s gotta give. I miss feeling like someone cares. I know I isolate myself. I feel selfish if I spend time with others instead of my children. It’s a lose, lose situation. I just want them to be happy. I thought I had figured out some things but I guess I didn’t. I miss drowning my sorrows with dysfunctional habits. But being of sound mind has its benefits. I need positive energy. Even the music has a way if making me remember and miss. I just needed a few quiet minutes to get this out of my head. There is no better feeling than being loved. How I miss that.