Unhappy Mother’s Day

So once again I come here with pen in hand
Try to make sense of this madness that never ends
Pain is an endless journey I have embarked
Unlike most who allow it to take control of their lives
To attempt to kill the pain or allow it to kill them
But I chose to use the pain
I have learned how to break the torment, the heartless lies told by predators to their prey
I will break this world before it breaks me
My pain is my strength
I never intended to hurt you
But sometimes it was just so unbearable that I would push it out of my body onto you
So that even just for a brief minute
I could have a moment of relief
If I would only find myself talking to myself more than listening to myself I would probably have healthier thoughts
Your love poisoned me slowly
Odorless, tasteless, colorless, and I never saw it coming
Until it was too late
Until you had infiltrated every pore of my being
Until the day my heart stopped beating
Have you ever been torn between two choices
But you know the outcome whichever you choose is unhappiness
It’s like being six feet under and trying to catch a ray of sunshine
Can’t happen
Sometimes it’s hard to remember a time when I was happy
Surely there had to be at least one day of happiness in my life,right?
It seems like there are so many people like me but I have to pay for everything
And the interest is breaking me
No, I take that back, it has broken me.
Some things should not have consequences
Love
Why do I have to pay dearly for it
As if my own life is predestined for unspeakable torture
A friend asked me today
Why do I do what I do
I told her because if I don’t it will catch me
What? She asked
The unhappiness I am trying to escape from